2021 Reflection

December 31, 2021

2020 brought a lot of new changes, but whoo that 2021 brought more changes. Behavioral changes. Anxiety. Massive depression. We have to move in 2022 because the complex is being sold to the city to build a pond. Lack of sleep. Stress. Crisis line. 

Ice storm Texas. Pipes bursting. Kids lost their mattresses. Blackouts. No hot water for almost 3 days, last week. 

On another note: I can go to church for both Sunday School and the Sermon again. I can ride the bus again. I can walk to the store or for fast food again. I haven't fixed a hole in the wall in a while. I don't have to rely on Uber and Lyft to get me around mostly. Completed a customer service experience job training course, through ClimbHire. 2 job interviews coming up. Pray for me and my sanity. 

God has definitely brought me through another year. 

2021 Reflection

 

Do I get an award for this?

I am fucking envious of people, who live in the lap of luxury, with things like bathroom doors; bedroom doors; no holes in walls; a simple dining room table and chairs. Why am I not allowed to have these things, long term? What did I do wrong? Did I offend God in some way to keep living in a state of brokenness? Is there a reward, maybe a certificate of achievement for getting through each day, keeping yourself and two, kids with special needs alive? For not running away from home during or after, every meltdown?

Brad has gone super postal, the last few days, especially during dinner time. He broke the bathroom door again. It was a bedroom door, I found by the dumpster, after Brad broke the original bedroom and bathroom door. I put the door on the bathroom, even though it didn't fit, to have a bit of privacy. 

Brad also broke the living room window again, for the 5th time. Just went up to it and hit it hard, without any warning. No idea what triggered him. Texas has a flash flood warning, along with a tornado warning today. 

Finally, Brad decided to re-open a hole, I keep fixing, with exposed wires. My son hit the wall, but he also pulled the loose sheet rock pieces, down. Glad I have spare sheetrock. Maintenance left a few bigger pieces in the dumpster and I grabbed them because I knew, I would need them. No going to Home Depot for a while, at least for sheetrock slabs. (Link for 5/8 inch sheetrock, just in case you need it). I fixed the hole again, this morning. 

Eventually, he took a nap and woke back up. Brad is still hitting the walls, doors, and windows, when I last edited this post. 

Way Past Exhausted

Disclaimer: This post contains Amazon Affiliate Links. 

What do you do when you had enough? When you so tired, that you hate going to sleep because you won't sleep long and you hate waking up because you know nothing hasn't changed? Is this life worth living, despite all the obstacles? What is my purpose for being here, other than cooking, cleaning, parenting and fixing/repairing stuff?

"More to this life. More than living and dying. More than trying to make it through the day. More to this life. More than my eyes alone can see. There is more in this life, I long to be". Steven Curtis Chapman. Signs of Life album. More to this life. 

"There is a joy. There is a peace, that makes this life complete. For every man, woman, boy, and girl, looking for Heaven in the real world."

Waking up to Brad hitting the walls, doors, and windows. Waking up to him throwing the dirty clothes or the dirty clothes bin. Standing on the semi-broken love chair to hit the walls and the ceilings, higher. Hitting the stove hood and slamming the fridge door. Picking up dirty diapers, he tossed in corners and on top of clothes, drying. 

Standing over me, while I am sleep, like a psycho, waiting to scream, "I want phone" as soon as my eyes open. Turning on all the lights in the house to alert me of his presence, I guess. Pulling the covers off me and Kalen, while we are sleep. 

The other day, he was throwing dishes and threw the dirty clothes bin at me. I'm glad I caught it before he broke the living room window, the 5th time. Even if you give him, his meds, as soon as you get up at whatever random time, he wakes up, the behavior continues. My anxiety continues. My depression continues. Loneliness continues. Tears continue and I hate crying. 

He is going to put us out of another apartment, I just know it. People don't want to rent to special needs families, in Houston, at least when I called around, after I got the note on my last apartment door, about not renewing our lease. All I can do is clean, declutter, and repair small items, until the day happens. I don't need to take all this clutter with me to another apartment. I am not sure if I want Brad to live with us in the next apartment, but the City of Houston does not want people with severe autism in residential centers, temporary or permanent,  because Autism is not treatable or curable. He is not potty-trained either, which is another reason for disqualification. 

The downstairs neighbor, across from us, moved a few weeks ago. Was it because of Brad? Yesterday, I saw one of the former upstairs neighbors put groceries in a different apartment in a different building? Was it because of Brad? Will management ask us to leave in January, when our lease is up? How is that fair to Kalen--if we have to move--at the beginning of a new semester to a new apartment in maybe a new school? I can't go back to all virtual because of my mental health. 

How is it fair to me to keep fixing and repairing new and old wall holes, Brad has re-opened? To wake up at various times during the night to try and calm him down. To keep fixing furniture, he has broken. Yesterday, I learned a new skill, involving Kalen. I untwisted the pipes in the bathroom, to remove things, he has thrown down the sink, like corn kernels, a ball, and the sink stopper. 

I learned how to fix holes with sheetrock and a power drill, this year, because of Brad. Many thanks to my poetry buddy, Rodney, for helping me with tips and techniques, I needed. I fixed the wobbly dining room table with a bunch of screws, the other week. Still wobbly but not as wobbly. I have screwed and re-screwed the stove hood, back in multiple times. Brad also broke the tv antenna. Glad I had back up, even though I struggled to find where it was, in the closet. 

GOD ARE YOU FUCKING LISTENING BECAUSE I HAD ENOUGH. 

I am done.  I quit. I am ready to sign over my guardianship to whoever wants him. Let him eat up all their food and destroy their homes. Destroy them mentally. 

I FUCKING HATE CORONA

His behavior got worse, when he realized he wasn't going back to school after spring break and it went super downhill fast. He hasn't hit walls constantly in years, but it started back. He put more holes in the walls than he did at the last apt and my mama's former home. He broke more furniture in a shorter time period. 

I just wanted some nice furniture, not from the dumpster. I been afraid to get newer pieces because I knew it wouldn't last long. Nice table and 5 chairs from the furniture bank. He broke the base from the stand on the table (which is why it is wobbly) and broke all 5 chairs. I do have a corner of broken dumpster chairs, I am scared to fix because Brad may break them or throw them towards me, Kalen, or through the window, including 2 nice metal chairs. He broke the arm off the 3 seater sofa and I had to toss it out. He put holes in the back of the dresser. He also broke off half of one of the drawer fronts. Forgive me for wanting a nice place to put winter clothes, instead of in space bags. I finally got the dryer fixed, Brad broke, but now need the belt replaced and struggling to find someone to fix it, even on Craigslist and Nextdoor. 

I had to flip the love seat over to keep Brad from standing on it to hit the ceiling and knock the texture off. I flipped it back over, weeks ago, to clean under it, and the arm came apart from being flipped over. The mini arm railings also came off. If I flip it back over, I am not sure that I can fix it with my drill. So I am leaving it right-side up until he breaks it for good. 

I can't have anything. I guess I am not deserving since it ends up broken. Since Corona, I have bought a new phone because Brad broke it; a new computer because Kalen cracked the screen and it stopped working; Brad got a new tv because Kalen knocked it over. I still need to put up the towel bar, Brad knocked down, but I keep misplacing what I did with the brackets. I found a dumpster door (bedroom) but I put it on the bathroom (he broke original bedroom and bathroom door) for a bit of privacy until I get a new door. Rodney also told me about Habitat for Humanity's stores, which sell cheaper doors. I am not ready to pay $150 to the complex for Brad to break it a 2nd time. 

His elopement also continues. I can't walk to the store with the kids. I can't take out the trash if Brad is woke. I can't walk to the laundry room to wash my blankets and floor rug. Both are too big for the portable's spin cycle. I can't go to the mailbox without bribery or a ride from my mother or niece. I'm done. I am not the right parent for this job. 

One of the tiny homes, I love on Amazon. I would make a few mods but it is small and simple. 

I just want a nice, small home, I don't have to worry about being put out of because of Brad. A table and four chairs for speech therapists and counselors when they visit (no seating was one of the biggest complaints at my last place). A side by side fridge with padlock so I can have more variety of foods for the kids to eat. A house without holes in walls and peeled off texture. A house with intact doors. I also need sleep, good sleep, for the first time since March, and a 3 day break from both kids for my sanity. 

Thankgiving Week in Review

Sunday:

My mother, who is my ride to church, spent Thanksgiving in Belize with my youngest sister, great-niece, and nephew. I knew about her trip, weeks in advance, but it did not prepare me for the drama, which ensued. 

I was undecided on whether or not to go to church. On one hand, I don't want to stay at home, the entire week. I also needed a break from my kids. My church has a great special needs program (kids and adults). My church is less than an hour away by bus. One bus takes me downtown and the other takes me to the transit center, across the street from the church. Normally,  we have to do is walk the sidewalk from the transit center to the bridge, then cross over to the church, except the transit center is undergoing reconstruction. 

The second bus let us off across the street from the transit center. We caught the traffic light and crossed over to the bridge. We had 2 more crosses left. Brad decided he wanted to walk off and started pointing at random objects. I don't know what he wanted. 

It is bad when your goal is in sight and you can't seem to reach it. I can see the church. People parking. He started kicking and screaming. He hit me in the front and back of my head. I got kicked in the knees and spit on.  He almost pushed me into the road. Where the red x is on the above map, is where he refused to cross over and started trying to walk off, 

I thought ok, the church has shuttle busses, which pass through here. Maybe I can wave one down. None of the shuttles would stop. I don't know if they can or not but I definitely could have used a lift. My next idea was to call the director of the special needs ministry to see if he can come outside and help. I got a disconnect notice. (I figured out later, I had his right number stored under another listing. I deleted the disconnected number). I also sent him a message on Facebook. 

I had to drag Brad into the grass to get him out of the sidewalk/road. If you are going to meltdown, let's go somewhere safe. A church member and his wife saw me struggling and offered help. Mr. C called the church directly (why didn't I think of this) and asked for the special needs department. He was able to bring Brad and Kalen to his car to drive,  2 seconds across the street, where the director met us and was able to help walk Brad in. 

I am very grateful for my church. Brad has had multiple incidents, where the special needs department stepped into help, versus putting all of us out of the church for his behavior. Houston's First Baptist is a loving environment. Thru the Roof is amazing. 

My mother allowed me to use her credit card to use a Lyft to head home versus trying to cross back over to the transit center. I didn't want another public meltdown. 

I don't think  I will be going to church, on days, when my mother is out of town or if I don't have Uber/Lyft money (It costs about $30 bucks to get from my house to church and vice versa). I am glad I went though. Life Bible Studies and Thru the Roof are closed on Dec 1. I would hate to show up on Sunday and no one was there. That would be another meltdown, waiting to happen. Another option is Metro Lift, which I will be calling, first thing Monday morning, provided my phone acts right and catches a charge. 

Monday:

Brad had a meeting with an insurance transition coordinator. Brad ages out of the pediatric insurance at 21 and the coordinator wanted to prepare me now. I am not ready to leave Texas Childrens Insurance. The doctors are consistent versus his former insurance company, who was losing psychiatrists to Texas Childrens and other hospitals/clinics. Some clinics also stopped taking Medicaid. Another doctor, I visited in Spring Branch (thought about embedding Google Maps but it showed the location of my house and other landmarks) told me he was not a psychiatrist. He didn't know why I was referred to him for psychiatry services, but he was able to write Brad's script for the month. I was going all over Houston and surrounding cities for his monthly appointments and prescriptions.

While she was talking to me about future insurance programs, Brad decided to start screaming. I followed him into my bedroom to calm him down. He started hitting and pushing again. This week is not going good so far. 

Tuesday:

Kalen went on the attack. I got hit in the head. He got mad at me for something and went semi postal.  Regular kiddie scream fests. Cooked. Attempted to clean. Went to bed too late. Kids had a lab work appointment on Wednesday. My phone also started having issues. Extra slow to charge. I think Kalen did something. Hopefully, it acts right. I can't afford another phone. 

Wednesday:

I had been dreading this day, for months. Brad needed lab work so his psych can better adjust his meds. She also wanted to test Brad for gynaecomastia. His chest looked weird when she examined him during his well check up/psych appointment. Kalen also needed lab work, so I decided to take them both, on the same day. Hospital appointments can be long and it's easier to schedule some of their hospital appointments together. 

The psych, the lab, and I tried to work together to make this appointment easier for the kids. Brad has a history of violence and aggression at the hospital. Kalen used take lab work and vaccinations like a pro, but over time, he cries and screams. Brad's biggest issue is the food court is next door to the lab. He wants food. We can get food after, but not before, provided, I have money. I did not have money on Wednesday. 

Preparation:

The psych told me to call the lab, 24 hours in advance, so they can prepare for the kids' arrival. I als was supposed to call the lab, 30 minutes before we arrived. Since the phone being stupid, I was not able to call 24 hours in advance. I was able to get enough charge to call 30 minutes in advance and left a voice mail. The clinic does not open up until 8. I wanted Brad to be sedated but his psych recommended his regular meds. I was also told that the food court CLOSED (gate down) between 9 and 9:30. I called medical transportation to schedule the appointment for 9. 

We arrived at the hospital around 9. We got to the 3rd floor.First thing, I noticed was the food court was still open. Brad also noticed. 

I filled out the forms for lab work. I asked for Child Life to come to the lab (they bring snacks, toys, electronics, colors to kids, who are struggling). Brad refused to walk into the clinic. He started screaming. He was hitting the windows at the gift shop. (Food court, gift shop, and lab are all right there together. The only thing, I ever bought was a $40 sweater because I was cold when Kalen had pace maker surgery). The director, who I called, also talked with me, in the lobby. 

The lab called Child Life. They also called security to assist. The Child Life person provided a good suggestion. She will go in with Kalen for his lab work, while I assisted security and lab personnel for Brad. Kalen will go first, followed by Brad. Brad started to calm down then boom, Kalen's turn. Brad did not like his brother, walking off without me or him. He started to scream again. 

Kalen went into the room with child life and the nurse to do his lab work. Brad walked into the room, next door, where the nurse was preparing the chair. Brad started kicking the walls and screaming. Nurse ran out. Security helped Brad into the chair and helped restrain him until the nurse was able to complete the tests. 

Security also escorted me down the garage elevators, versus the main elevators, back to the lobby, until medical transportation arrived to take us home. 

I did learn though, the hospital has a minor lab on the 11th floor. Next time, we are heading to the 11th floor, which will bypass the food court. 

Thursday:

Happy Thanksgiving. Today has not been a great day. Both kids woke up around 6. I am completely exhausted. It's been a long week and I need sleep. I gave the kids, their medications. Brad also picked up on a new behavior, which needs to stop ASAP. Brad already hits walls, doors, and ceilings, with his hands, feet, blankets, pillows, and clothes. He picked up my desk chair (which he has taken over) and hit the ceiling with it. I have small pieces of sheet rock on my living room floor. (I found a big rug near the dumpster, the other day. I cleaned it up, as much as I could, with bleach and laundry detergent, and placed it in Brad's area of the living room). My rug has visible chunks of sheetrock on it. The behavior has been constant, despite medications in his system. He took 2 naps. Woke up and was at it again. This is not the best day to be a special needs parent. I wish I was in Belize with my mother.

I did not cook. I was getting low on veggies and staples. I also don't want to spend a lot of money on one day, when my kids need to eat the whole month. I signed up for Operation Turkey to bring me 3 meals, weeks ago, before I started to run low. I am glad I did. My kids were able to eat a holiday meal, including mine. My sister and niece were supposed to cook but that meal has never arrived, as of today (Dec 2nd).

I am also thinking about a Thanksgiving cruise, next year. Let the cruise ship cook the food. I don't know which cruise line, I will be with, since Brad is too old for Camp Carnival.  Royal Caribbean is also an option because  of free priority boarding for past guests. I usually get Faster to the Fun , when the kids are with me, for Carnival Cruises, which comes with priority boarding and debarkation. Autism on the Seas costs too much, but they offer respite for staffed cruises. 

Friday, Saturday, Sunday: 

Church was not in session today, for us. Since it is a holiday weekend, the church doesn't have enough volunteers to staff departments. No life bible studies (Sunday school) and no special needs. I tried to watch online but kept having technical issues, such as delayed timing on my phone. When I logged in on the pc, it was minutes behind the phone. I figured, I watch later when kids went back to school and not too many devices are connected to the internet. 

Poop

Brad had an issue of poop. He went to the bathroom, after taking off his diaper. I figured, he wanted me to wipe him. Instead of waiting on me to wipe him, he plopped down on the toilet and finished handling his business in the toilet. I am still in shock. He went a few more times, throughout the day. I still had to rush in the bathroom to wipe him before he put on his diaper. Yay. 

The great kindle take over

He also tried to take over my kindle on Saturday. I have a kiddie playlist for Kalen, on there, for the rougher moments. When my phone started having issues, I thought I could placate Kalen by showing him Youtube on my kindle (big mistake). Here comes Saturday, Brad said a new word, "song". He wanted me to play him, the kiddie play list. No problem, but then, he wanted to watch youtube and find new music. Im like, uhhhhhhhhhhh, he has a weekend ipad from his teacher. He can play games on there. Only issue: no internet. 

Side note: Brad loves technology but he also likes to break technology. I am on my 4th kindle. 1st one, got stolen off my bed, while I was in the hospital with Kalen, for his pacemaker surgery. 2nd one and 3rd one, stopped charging. 4th one, I got on sale for half off. I had it a few months. The kids also have broken 4 of my phones in the past year or so. Brad also has broken multiple tablets and phones in the past (Samsung, RCA, Nabi 2, and Kalen's Nabi jr).  I can't afford a new phone. So my anxiety went high when Brad started wanting more than just the music. 

He sat and listened to the music for hours, versus the ipad. I thought of a good idea to try to put the internet on the ipad. The first ipad, he brought home, months ago, did not allow me to connect to anything. It had restrictions, placed by the school. The one, he has now, I never touched before, but I can try. I first tried to connect it to Xfinity wifi (my mama's account).  but it was denied due to an unsecure connection. Then, I connected it to my ATT and success, he was able to watch Youtube. I did not connect it to my Google though to be on the safe side, but he was able to watch his kiddie skits, while Kalen took back the Kindle and listened to the music and watched his skits. Both kids was out of my hair lol. (Of course, later on, Brad tried to come back to kindle land and Kalen went into the living room and brought back the ipad and started playing on it. No idea how he figured it out because I struggled just finding the settings). 

Connecting the internet reduced the chair throwing and chair hitting the ceiling, headache inducing behavior. I don't want to be put out because the upstairs neighbor, with a baby, complained about noise from the apartment below. That's another level of anxiety. Moving with two special needs kids within a few weeks, like I did last year. 

Have a blessed day. 

They went off to school great this morning. No issues. Glad to finally get a small break, until my 11 am appt. 

Level up

Disclaimer: This post may contain Amazon Affiliate Links.

It happened again. Something, I didn't expect to happen again. It may become a pattern, maybe not. People have asked Brad not to come to certain places. It's not a shocker. My kids can't go to certain places, such as the zoo; parks without gates; movie theatres, but I haven't had people indirectly say, if Brad is coming or not.

A few weeks ago, Brad and Kalen had a doctor appointment for genetics. Brad's psychiatrist had requested some lab work, a few months prior, so Brad had to do his labs too. We arrived at the hospital early. I stopped by the lab first, to warn them of their favorite patient. The elevators was also running slow--15 to 20 minute wait between floor.

We head upstairs to genetics. Survive this appointment with Kalen throwing things around and jumping on the scale. Brad also started screaming and Child Life was called to calm him down.

After genetics, we headed back down to the lab and signed in. I was told that Brad may not be able to take a glucose test because he did not fast. I wasn't aware, he was supposed to fast. I fed the kids, earlier to avoid disasters in the food court. The food court is next to the lab. Brad did well in the lab, better than expected. It took about three people to calm him down plus a light up toy.

The hospital called the clinic to ask about when they wanted the glucose done. I thought I would be back at the hospital, within a few days (need two day notice for medical transportation), but the clinic said that they have a lab and they want to do the lab work. Oh joy. I scheduled the appointment and transportation. A few hours before his appointment, I got a call from someone at the clinic, asking if Brad was really coming for lab work. DUH. He missed school. His dr needs the results. He need a doctors note. He did better than expected there. It took a reeces, in my purse,  to keep him calm. The tech held the reeces in her hand as a visual to get Brad to cooperate.

He has mean mugged the tech, on our last few visits lol.

Last week (March 20),  Brad had a field trip to a field day. I found the permission slip, balled up on the floor. I misplaced it and asked for another one, after I saw a note on the classroom app, asking parents to sign and return the slips. I had a drs appointment on the 20th too. The day before, he had a major meltdown (that may be another post), and I decided not to send him to school, the next day.

But, I did get a call, the Friday before, from a teacher, asking if Brad was really coming on the field trip. I did view photos of the field trip on Twitter. Brad would have had fun, running and jumping, but he still would have liked to go, if he was behaving well. Brad should not have to stay home from every field trip because a teacher or staff member, does not want him to go because of his potential behavior. Trust me, as a parent, I run every field trip though a bunch of scenarios before signing my name off. Brad wants to go places and does not want to be left out. His mama also needs a break.

Stacie D. Wyatt/Perfect Chaos

Refresh (Kregel Book Tours)

Disclaimer: This post contains Amazon Affiliate Links.



I received Refresh, in exchange for honest review from Kregel Book Tours. The book was written by Kimberly M. Drew and Jocelyn Green.

I wanted to read the book because being a special needs parent is lonely, depressing, and frustrating. I need encouragement daily. Between the screaming; head banging (Kalen); and potty training issues, I feel on the verge of a break down any day now.

Brad is 16, Autistic with ADHD and a Creatine deficiency disorder. Brad is not potty trained, but hates being wiped. Brad doesn't like being told no. He throws things. He punches holes in walls (luckily, not here yet), and can get very aggressive towards people. Brad's mental age is 0 -6 months. Brad can walk, dress his self to a point, and eats like a regular teenager. Brad's latest incident was he broke a window at school. He also cracked my bedroom door.

Kalen has Global Development Delays; Autism; Sensory Processing Disorder; Creatine Deficiency Disorder; Sleep Apnea, and Static Encephalopathy. Kalen has a heart monitor and a pacemaker. Kalen is a helper monkey. He loves to help people, sometimes at a cost. Imagine using the bathroom and a toddler hands you one square of tissue at a time lol. Kalen also hates water in his face and head. Once, he climbed into the shower and got hit by a blast of water and was traumatized. He hid in the back of the tub and refused to move. I had to pick him up and calm him down. He did not speak or cry for hours that day.

Kalen functions on a 2-3 year range, mentally and functionally. Kalen had early intervention, occupational therapy; physical therapy; and preschool for children with developmental disabilities, but these services was not available when Brad was diagnosed. Brad fell through the cracks and functions at a lower level than his younger brother.

Trying to work with both of them is mentally draining. Don't let both need something at the same time because it can be too much.

At the end of each chapter, you do have a few questions to answer in a section called "digging deeper".


You can purchase the book, using the link above. The book comes in Kindle and paperback format. The book is prime-eligible.

The Life We Never Expected Book Review (FlyBy Blog Promotions)

Disclaimer: This post was sponsored by FlyBy Blog Promotions. This post contains Amazon Affiliate Links.




I received The Life We Never Expected, in exchange for honest review. The book was written by Andrew and Rachel Wilson.

I don't remember requesting the book, but I was glad when it arrived. I have two special needs children. My oldest has autism, adhd, and creatine deficiency disorder. My youngest has

• Autism
• Sensory processing disorder
• Creatine Deficiency Disorder
• Global development delays
• suspected long QT syndrome
• Static Encephalopathy (breath holding spells, which can cause seizures.)
• Sleep apnea (the Static and Sleep is why he has a heart monitor and pacemaker). 
• X chromosome errors

Brad has regressed. He no longer says his name. If you ask him his name, instead of Brad, he says your name. His mental age dropped from 3-4 years to 0-6 months. Kalen functions at 24 months and has a mental age of 2-3 years. Kalen has progressed faster than Brad, thanks to God and early intervention. Kalen is more independent and wants to learn more things, while Brad requires more assistance and stagnant when it comes to learning new things. 

Even though my boys are special needs, I do drop the ball at times. I have wanderers. Brad walked outside in his diaper, while I was sleep, but rang the doorbell to get back in. Kalen had a recent issue with wandering.  I occassionally lose my temper. I am not the perfect mom. I do not have perfect kids, special needs or not. Nothing like getting a ball tossed at you or having to dodge a chair or table because a child is having a meltdown or a temper tantrum.  I had to take a knife or two away because someone else besides me forgot to put the sharp objects up high. We have knives hidden everywhere in this house except the kitchen. When people need one, it's a challenge to find one and then put it back up. This is definitely not the life I was expecting. I never wanted kids, let alone wanted to take care of a kid for the rest of their lives. 

I deal with constant obsessions with cheese (Kalen) and tv remotes ,even if the cable is not on (Brad). I deal with fear of water (Kalen) and screams because Brad likes to bath, but doesn't like soap or towels or loofahs, but both kids love bubbles. Brad also loves movies. I have bought multiple dvd players (which Brad broke) and lots of cheap movies. He loves men in black and a few elmo movies. I don't know which is worse: watching MIB over and over again (thank goodness, he wore out the DVD) or listening to people driving in cars videos on Youtube. 

The book provides stories from people, going through the same thing I am. The authors have childlren with regressive autism. The book provides bible verses and how to apply the verse to raising a special needs child.

I liked the chapter on the orange. The authors said what if you are at dinner and think you are about to receive a gift of a chocolate orange from a friend, but when you open it up, it's a real orange. Nothing is wrong with the orange, but it is not what you are expecting. Everyone else at the table has received chocolate oranges, so you feel a bit disappointed and let down. You may feel isolated and alone because others got something which you did not (I do have a lonely, isolated life).

I admit I do not want to change Brad's diapers for the rest of his life. I don't want to deal with broken windows and holes in the walls. I don't want to worry about what will trigger a breath holding spell or a seizure from Kalen. I definitely do not want to bath Brad when he older because he refuses to use soap, but I have to because that's my job.


You can purchase the book using the link above. The book comes in paperback and kindle format.

#BehindTheBlogger: My Whole World

My Whole World

What is my whole world? I was stumped at this question. My days are filled with dirty diapers, wipes, and attempting to clean and re-clean what my kids mess up. I re-patch holes in the walls when Brad slams a door or throws a chair. I re-screw screws back in doors (Both my closet and bedroom door is off the hinges right now because of my kids). I blog. I look for free things to review and free samples.

I fuss and cuss at relatives. I try to convince Brad over and over again to sit down, shut up, and put that chair down. I try to defuse meltdowns and temper tantrums, even though nothing I do works. After all, I have a huge bruise on my right arm and a huge bruise plus bite mark on the left side, from trying to diffuse a meltdown. It is hard raising kids with special needs.

Brad has autism and adhd. Kalen has

1. Autism
2. Anemia
3. Global Development Delays
4. Static Encephalopathy (Breath holding spells, plus the rare seizure. heart condition)
5. Sensory processing disorder
6. Creatine transporter issues
7. X chromosome messed up issues
8. Some genetic mutation doohickey
9. Suspected long qt syndrome. 

Of course, Kalen has now learned how to open up the 2nd story windows in the game room, so now I have to keep an extra eye out for him.

My days are chaotic. I constantly desire a break from the kids. I rarely get one. I have hidden wine coolers and Barcardi Silver in my closet for those days, when I really need a drink and the kids are finally winding down.

I am still trying to clean and organize my bedroom, plus finish painting the bathroom.

I get lonely, depressed, sad. I don't date. I don't have any physical friends in the state. I don't drive. My whole world is my kids and blogging. I love to write, so blogging is natural to me. Just have to write more about my life and kids, versus product and book reviews. Reviews are fun, but I want to add more posts about other things, but haven't got around to it yet.

Have a blessed day

Stacie D. Wyatt



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Words, I wish my kids did not know (Excerpt from Never Argue 2014)

Words I wish my kids didn't know by +Stacie Wyatt 

I thought of this today, after Kalen said a cuss word: STOP because he climbed on top of my rubbermaids (2 bins high) and I removed him from his tower. Sometimes, my kids say words, which boils my insides. So, here is a collection of words, which irritate me and why.

Stacie, Kalen, and Brad

Brad: Leave me Lone (Alone):I change your diapers. Still have to bathe you because you refuse to use soap. I have to loop your belt and zip your pants. Give you your medicine and deal with your teachers.  I have to patch holes in the walls and replace plastic mattress covers every other month. Wash your sheets and regular mattress covers every other day because you found a way to pee past the covers, both plastic and regular. Therefore, I will not leave you alone, dear boy, I will not leave you alone. Until you start pooping on the potty and smelling Axe Fresh on your own, I will not leave you alone.

Brad: Don’t want that: Dearest child, I do not care if you want this or that. You will take your medications. You will shower. You will eat this dinner, I grudgingly prepared just for you, because you just ate less than an hour ago. You will get on the damn bus. Sometimes, I don’t care what you want, provided it is a necessity.

Brad: Bitch: I am your mother. I wash your smelly butt. Drag you to the doctor. Get up early to put you on the bus. Have to chase you down to put on deodorant and your body spray. I have to watch you take your meds because you will spit them out. I suffer though ARD/IEP meetings, text messages, and phone calls from Spring ISD. I am not your bitch. You will get spanked for calling me or any other woman that.

Brad: Why:  Negro, you have a limited vocabulary and I am not going to waste time, explaining in explicit detail, WHY, only for you to ask me WHY again. WHY? Because I said so. Because you can get hurt. Because you have no other options but to do what I say NOW.

Kalen: Mine: This may or may not belong to you.  This is also a fighting word between you and your cousin, Sariyah. Mine, No Mine, Mine, Mine.  Stacie is just going to take it away and put it up, until yall stop arguing.

Kalen: Ewwwww  and Boobooo: Good words, but this usually means you or your brother done pooped on the floor or smeared poop somewhere. Yay me.

Brad: Stink: Good word but this means, I have to change your filthy diapers because you refuse to poo on the pot. I also can smell what your butt is cooking lol.

Brad: Really: Word, you picked up from the yellow devil his self: Sponge Bob Stupid pants. Really means you are trying to be sarcastic and your mother is one of the reigning queens of sarcasm. Really? Sit your butt down somewhere and learn a different word.

Kalen: NO: Good word, but see STOP. He sometimes says no after he is doing something, he shouldn’t be doing and I have to stop him.

Note: I decided to add this blog post to the book, I'm working on.

No ESY this week for Brad (And I am not happy about it).

Brad is in extended school year (ESY) for the summer. Because he is special needs, Brad will attend until August 7th, 2014, then school starts back on the 26th or 27th. The family has a Carnival Cruise planned for a few days before school starts back. This should be interesting because I never cruised with children before, let alone sisters, and my nephew. I have done dinner cruises, casino cruises, and big cruises with Carnival and Royal Caribbean.

For the next cruise,  I am contemplating Royal Caribbean again since they won an award for Autism-friendliest. I am also contemplating Norwegian since they depart from Houston, in addition to being a Nick Cruise.

I had no idea he was approved for ESY until the bus driver called the night before with pick up and drop off information. I missed the last ARD/IEP meeting of the year because Kalen had a doctor appointment. Next time, I am checking the reschedule box. His final ARD/IEP arrived a few days before finding out he was approved.

The IEP said ESY was suggested but not approved. Don't get me wrong, I was happy to ship him off for 4 hours a day, 4 days per week, but I don't like surprises.

Brad was very happy to get on the bus. He has had no problems since. Especially with three new medications added to his regimen because of his behavior at his regular school. Brad is still having issues at home, but not at school (and I hope it stays that way). I have been getting good notes home from his teacher.

ESY started a week or two after school ended. Now they are getting a week-long break. which irritates me. I need my 4 hour break. I need a break from Kalen too. I was hoping his school would call as well with approval. Brad needs stability and there is nothing more stable than a special needs classroom. (at least I think lol).

I have no idea what to do with him at all. No Car. No Bus Line. I still have school work to complete. Kalen has a WIC appointment. He has had a lot of meltdowns since Thursday. He had a doctor's appoint the other week. The doctor added tegretol permanently. He had prescribed my favorite, carbemazepine after Brad's last blowout at school.

Brad was allegedly humping the tables and chairs. He also hit teachers, staff, and students. Dr. G also added Hydroxysomething to help Brad sleep since Clonidine doesn't always work. 5 medications and the boy still acts out. Part Autism. Part ADHD. Part Puberty. Part Teenager.  Yay me.


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Yesterday and today, I sent my children off to school in the rain.

Yesterday, well for the past two days, it has been raining in Houston, Texas. We have been under Flood Watch/Warning for two days as well.

Yesterday, I got up at 6 something, later than normal because Kalen (aka Midget) kicked my phone on the floor. I got him into the bath and dressed quickly, and we headed downstairs to catch the bus. Kalen's bus comes at 7:19 a.m.

Since Kalen is 3, I have to walk him to the bus and pass him on to the bus aide. The bus driver, asked me about why I didn't call my child out of school, like the other parents did?

Because my children do not have a choice in their education. They will get up for school, by me. Take a bath, with assistance, and get on the bus even if I have to drag them to the end of the drive way.

That is how is was when I grew up. I loved going to school. I loved graduating high school. I loved my cap and gown. If you didn't go to school or church, you couldn't go anywhere else. I didn't go anywhere but still just in case, I went to school.

I got myself up. Dressed myself. Woke my mother up so she can get the other two sisters up. Walked to the bus stop. Went to school. Repeated for four years. On the rare occasion, I would walk the hour to school. Took the bus the same distance. The school was 5 minutes by car, so sometimes we got a ride.

If my brats are not sick or do not have a doctor's appointment, they will be at school. A little rain, a thunder storm, or a flood warning isn't going to stop them. The bus comes to their driveway, a bell man helps them with their bags and seats, and the chauffeur drives them off either 5 minutes away for Brad and 15 minutes away for Kalen, all for a free public education. :-). They both get breakfast, with Brad getting lunch, since Kalen goes half a day. I get three hours free each day (in my head of course) because my great-niece and mother still bugs me. I still have to clean and exercise, and eat, I think.

My niece, on the other hand, goes to school when she wants to. She gets her self up for school around 6 a.m. If she goes to school, she leaves the house before I have to wake Kalen and Brad up. If I get up and she still here, she chose not to go to school or hoping someone would give her a ride over 20 minutes away, unless there is traffic. No accountability. Her mother does not wake up early to make sure she goes to school. Her aunt is not getting up an hour early either. Dealing with special needs kids is hard work. Her education. Her pending graduation.

Yesterday, after getting Kalen on the bus, I got Brad bathed and dressed. Got him downstairs. Bus arrived. Looked to the left, looked to the right, my teenager took his backpack back upstairs. Ran back upstairs quickly, got his backpack, dragged him to the bus, and off he went, in the rain.

This morning, there was no rain until two minutes before Kalen's bus arrived. The rain poured down hard. I quickly ran upstairs to get my umbrella and carried Midget to the bus. By the time, Brad's bus arrived, the rain stopped.

Today, I slept for 2 hours, where I had a wonderful dream, I forgot to get Kalen off the bus. .Woke up quick, tossed on a dress, and ran downstairs 10 minutes before Midget's bus arrived at 11:30.

So to conclude, On Rain, On snow, On Sleet, on Hail, if the bus is a-running, to school, my kids are a-going. LOL

Brad acted up at school again. Yay me.: The joys of special needs parenting.

A few days ago, April 8^th, I had a call from Brad’s school. I hate these calls because I don’t know what to expect. A call never means Brad did something good.  The teacher said a student dropped some food in the trashcan during lunch. Brad wanted an apple from the trash and went to dig through the trash can. The aides told Brad to stop and Brad started wailing his arms and falling on the floor. In the process, he hit both of his aides in the face, in front of the assistant principal. The assistant principal had to restrain Brad and then, the staff got Brad back to the classroom.

Once Brad got in the classroom, he was throwing tables and chairs. Then, the phone calls started.  I was feeding the toddlers, when the first two calls came. I heard the phone ring, but could not answer it. After this, the front office calls and asks if I can come pick up brad.

My mother is sound asleep. I caught a ride with Willie C, Brad’s grandfather (my father), to go get Brad. 

When Brad got home, he still was erratic. He wants to scream and holler; throw items; knock over the house computer, etc. He even pushed Kalen, which caused a breath-holding spell. I gave Brad some melatonin but he did not calm down until hours later. 7 milliliters and he stayed woke until 9 or 10 p.m. 

I was trying to clean the game room so the toddlers can play safely. Kalen went to sleep after his spell. I laid Kalen on the couch so I could sweep and vacuum. Brad kept going near Kalen trying to wake him up. I ended up sitting the floor, using the vac hose to clean the floor, with Kalen in my lap.

I also called Brad’s psychiatrist and pediatrician to ask for help. The pediatrician never called back. The psych appointment is at the end of the month. Mental Health and Mental Retardation Authority of Harris County (MHMRA) called same day to see if I wanted to keep Brad on the waiting list. I said yes and also asked for help. MHMRA told me they would refer him to their clinic. If he obtains the referral, I can walk-in or make appointments for any concerns.

April 8^th, 2014 was a bad day. School year is almost over and I do not want to think about Brad being put out of school for behavior and aggression problems. When he was attending Thompson, the same thing happened. He had his problems throughout the year, but towards the end, his behavior was getting worse. I kept hearing from the bus drivers how the school wants to put Brad off the bus and out of school. Too much stress for mama to take.

Hopefully, the next two months goes better than normal. I am going to ask the psych to try a different medication other than Rispercrap (Risperidone). Brad is getting older, stronger, and taller. I need his behavior controlled