Sunday, August 12, 2012

Alumni day @fallbrookchurch. Kids away in their classes. I need this much needed break.Church my 5 minutes of sanity, at least while im in main and s.s.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Thoughts about miscarriage

There is nothing worse than going through a miscarriage alone. I have had two before: July 2005 and May 2009. A miscarriage takes a mental toll on a person. Multiple miscarries causes serious emotional turmoil. If all my kids had lived, (and I did not have a tubal ligation), their ages would be:

  1. Brad, 11 years old
  2. Baby Girl, 6 years old
  3. Unknown Gender, 2 years old
  4. Kalen-15 months
Miscarriages definitely changed how I felt about men and sex. Both times, I was in the hospital alone. No one but God and myself, and the medical staff. No one to sit with me. No one to hold my hand. Losing a precious life, alone with my thoughts. Unpretty thoughts. Anger, Hurt, Pain, Depression. Confusion. Shame. Regrets. 

My last miscarriage helped pave my celibate/abstinent path. I have little to no sexual desire, most of the time now. I don't care to date or have sex anytime soon. Not sure when I will be ready, but I am so not feeling it now. 

I don't know why my former miscarries came to mind before I wrote this. but I had to write some feelings down. I did write a story about it: Miscarried. The book is on Lulu and on Amazon (under Conversations). 

Monday, August 6, 2012

Big Brother versus Little Brother

August 6, 2012

My oldest child has gotten more on my nerves this past weekend. Brad keeps harassing his brother—biting his feet; picking him up and trying to toss Kalen on the floor; taking Kalen’s toys from him; and waking Kalen out of his sleep. Kalen cannot do squat without Brad messing with him. Even when crawling, Brad tries to block Kalen from moving around. I do not know what is going on. Is it the medication? Is it sibling rivalry? Does he dislike his brother? Whatever it is, it is getting on my last and first nerve. If he wants to torture others, I have plenty of relatives for him to beat up. I can buy a punching bag or a Boppo toy. I can enroll him in anger management, but do not torture little brother, more than necessary. 

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Smart Women's Institute

I signed up as an affiliate for Smart Women's institute. The website is free to sign up. Great Resources. 


Entrepreneurial Women Will Change the World!
Discover how to live in your passions while  growing a world changing business.{affiliate link}

Smart Women Institute