Thursday, October 23, 2014

Words, I wish my kids did not know (Excerpt from Never Argue 2014)

Words I wish my kids didn't know by +Stacie Wyatt 

I thought of this today, after Kalen said a cuss word: STOP because he climbed on top of my rubbermaids (2 bins high) and I removed him from his tower. Sometimes, my kids say words, which boils my insides. So, here is a collection of words, which irritate me and why.

Stacie, Kalen, and Brad

Brad: Leave me Lone (Alone):I change your diapers. Still have to bathe you because you refuse to use soap. I have to loop your belt and zip your pants. Give you your medicine and deal with your teachers.  I have to patch holes in the walls and replace plastic mattress covers every other month. Wash your sheets and regular mattress covers every other day because you found a way to pee past the covers, both plastic and regular. Therefore, I will not leave you alone, dear boy, I will not leave you alone. Until you start pooping on the potty and smelling Axe Fresh on your own, I will not leave you alone.

Brad: Don’t want that: Dearest child, I do not care if you want this or that. You will take your medications. You will shower. You will eat this dinner, I grudgingly prepared just for you, because you just ate less than an hour ago. You will get on the damn bus. Sometimes, I don’t care what you want, provided it is a necessity.

Brad: Bitch: I am your mother. I wash your smelly butt. Drag you to the doctor. Get up early to put you on the bus. Have to chase you down to put on deodorant and your body spray. I have to watch you take your meds because you will spit them out. I suffer though ARD/IEP meetings, text messages, and phone calls from Spring ISD. I am not your bitch. You will get spanked for calling me or any other woman that.

Brad: Why:  Negro, you have a limited vocabulary and I am not going to waste time, explaining in explicit detail, WHY, only for you to ask me WHY again. WHY? Because I said so. Because you can get hurt. Because you have no other options but to do what I say NOW.

Kalen: Mine: This may or may not belong to you.  This is also a fighting word between you and your cousin, Sariyah. Mine, No Mine, Mine, Mine.  Stacie is just going to take it away and put it up, until yall stop arguing.

Kalen: Ewwwww  and Boobooo: Good words, but this usually means you or your brother done pooped on the floor or smeared poop somewhere. Yay me.

Brad: Stink: Good word but this means, I have to change your filthy diapers because you refuse to poo on the pot. I also can smell what your butt is cooking lol.

Brad: Really: Word, you picked up from the yellow devil his self: Sponge Bob Stupid pants. Really means you are trying to be sarcastic and your mother is one of the reigning queens of sarcasm. Really? Sit your butt down somewhere and learn a different word.

Kalen: NO: Good word, but see STOP. He sometimes says no after he is doing something, he shouldn’t be doing and I have to stop him.

Note: I decided to add this blog post to the book, I'm working on.

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