Sunday, May 27, 2012

Saturday, May 26, 2012

I don't have that type of support

I don't have that type of support, physical support where I can talk to real people about real problems, especially with my oldest son. I have a great online presence of people, who I can talk to, but when I need out of the house, I don't have people I can call. Family out--because they do not understand or care to understand autism. Sometimes I feel like they feel Brad is a burden on them. I just want someone I can talk to, hang out with, minimize this loneliness I feel. Being an autistic parent is a lonely road.

Not everyone can deal with the meltdowns, temper tantrums, limited communication, lack of a fully potty-trained child. All I hear from relatives is how he screams and keeps them up at nite; how they can not wait until Brad sr. gets him back for the summer; how they only want to babysit the baby; that every problem Brad has is not mental and he needs a good butt whipping to get the bad out of him. When I hear those comments, I want to take my children far far away and never see these heathens but once or twice a year. Then they get upset because they won't see the baby. Sometimes I think these heathens forget I have two kids, instead of one. My kids and I are a package deal. You either take us all or none at all. I am not going to piece meal out my kids. I don't want someone taking the baby somewhere, leaving Brad behind, wondering why they did not take him. I may not always understand what is on this boy's mind, but I do understand exclusion.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Good morning. Boy 1 shared some of his breakfast with boy 2. Sooooooooo cute

Monday, May 21, 2012

Craving discipline

Children crave discipline. I do wish I disciplined my oldest more when he was younger. Not sure what the best method is for special needs kids, but I could have researched more. I was working 60 plus hours and going to school 6 days a week, and my child did not get all the attention or discipline he deserved. I was not even sure if I loved or liked him then. Not naturally maternal (that blog coming later), but I realized later on I do love him and like him and wish I did more for him earlier. Working all the time and going to school all the time is not always worth the expense of your kids. Withholding discipline is one reason I do not 100% respect my mother. She let my grandmother do the disciplining and that she did. My granny used belts, switches, extension cords, etc. I learned to do what she say, when she said it, how she said it, most of the time.

Fast forward years later and my sisters and I are over 30 or almost 30. We definitely needed a level of discipline from our parents. The respect is not there. Watching my mother try and discipline us now or our kids is straight hilarious. As I am getting older, I know children need a strong, solid foundation. A weak foundation will crumble and fall apart. Allowing other parents to do your job will affect your kids later.

Maternal Notions

I am not naturally maternal. It took me years to learn to like and love my oldest. I had to work hard to like and love my youngest during my pregnancy. I did not have too many maternal role models growing up. My mother was passive and let my grand mother do the raising and discipline, though we lived in the same house. I fear and respect my grandmother for her leadership, even though I did not appreciate it until after she died. She was worst than I was. She fussed, she cussed, she disciplined. and she blamed others for her mistakes. I remember once she accused me of stealing her jewelry. I don't wear a lot of jewelry. I don't care too much for jewelry. I never stole anything from her in my life (to my recollection). I fussed at her because I did not do it. Might not been the best move, but she was wrong. She eventually found her jewelry in the spot she left it in. No apology. She was silent. I never understood some of her actions when she was diagnosed with cancer. She quit her job, with good insurance BEFORE the chemotherapy began. I think she quit the same week she was diagnosed. I felt she should have worked until she could not work anymore. Cancer treatments are expensive and her diagnosis was not a preexisting condition. I think she was diagnosed in 1997 or 1998. Trying to get insurance after diagnosis is hard. Mama Areletha died the day before Brad was born (November 8, 2000 and Brad was born November 9, 2000).

I feared and respected my great-grandmother for her leadership and punctuality. She was never late to an appointment and I try not to be either. She died in 2000, while I was 4 months pregnant with Brad.  I do not fear my mother. She does not have excellent leadership. She never disciplined us. She is more like a sister or aunt, rather than a mother. I do have resentment towards her because she never stood up for her oldest kid (me), while other relatives picked on her. If you don't try and protect your kids, when others do them wrong, my mind can not process that. I am not the best mother in the world. I still have a lot of issues to work on, but I hope my kids do not feel about me, like I feel about these people I am related too. I just don't have a lot of love or respect for most of my biological family.  If I die today, send my kids to their father. I don't even trust them to watch, protect, and love my kids.


My oldest is autistic. My family does not treat him well. They blame him for everything that breaks, that ends up missing, etc. Some members have told me that they can not wait for Brad to go back to his daddy for the summer. My child grew up in Georgia, raised by me and his father and his father's family. He is not used to my side of the family. It has only been less than a year since Brad has been here and I don't feel my family is more accepting of special needs. My mother would not even accept my gift of a "proud grandma of an autistic boy" license plate cover. My uncle Eugene thinks autism can be cured with a belt and all his issues is not mental. No one has even offered to keep Brad for the night or day. He is not potty trained. He breaks things. He has melt downs and temper tantrums. They all seem to show favoritism towards the baby. Either you keep both or keep none. Not going to have Brad wondering why his brother went to an aunt, uncle, cousin house and he was not. I want him to feel welcomed where ever he goes and so far I am not getting that. Can't wait till I get my own place. He will always be welcome there. I don't want to die and have Brad here, and they treat the baby 100x better than his oldest brother because Kalen 'normal'. On the other hand, what if Kalen has a learning disability/disorder because autism may be genetic. I definitely do not want my children to suffer at my family's hands.

On the other hand, even though Kalen and Brad have the same father, Brad Sr. do not claim Kalen. I don't want Kalen going to his father, only to be treated badly. Whether my kids are with my family or my ex's family, I don't want them to be treated unfairly. I also don't want them separated (one child in one state and another child in a different state). I want the brothers to grow up and be raised together.

Random Thoughts

I am not big on biological family, except my sons and my mother (sometimes). One thing I do not get is how people can treat you bad or exclude you growing up but expect you to accept later on in life. I don't know how to move from you picking on me because I was fat, not feminine enough, not having sex, not pretty enough, too smart, etc to let's spend time together, let's talk, give me a hug. My mind does not know how to process that mentally. and I will tell these heathens so-what is on my mind, whether or not they like it or not. and they sit there passively, talking about me behind my back, and I know this because my family can not keep anything to themselves.

I have cussed and fussed at all these relatives of mine. If it don't make sense or stupid, I will say so. Today, I Cussed out my uncle because he was smoking in the house. I have a pregnant niece. In the house, the vent system sucks. Every smell travels up. So if you smoke weed or cigarettes or burn something, the whole house will smell it. The fight lead to a full blow out and my mother did not do squat but let us argue.

That is the one thing, which irks me about my mother-her passiveness. She just stands in the sidelines watching drama but don't step in, even if it concerns her. My sister has taken plenty of money out my mother's bank account without her permission. Instead of changing her bank account number or card numbers, she does nothing but tell my sister the account bounced. She has let relatives talk about her kids and grandkids and did not say anything. I just want her to stand up, say something, show an aggressive side. Let me know she cares or loves or concerned. Do something.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Uriah and Loyalty Part II

Pastor Pender discussed Uriah and Loyalty again this Sunday. Uriah had to explain his loyalty, was tested for his loyalty, and was exploited for his loyalty. First, Uriah had to explain his loyalty to God to a king, who backslid. David liked to party, drink, and have sex. He did not understand where Uriah was currently at. David did not understand why after a battle, Uriah did not want to go home to his wife. Loyalty to something can cause others to feel uncomfortable and out of their element. Sometimes when you are loyal to something, like celibacy or a marriage, loyalty can bring out the worst in people. People may not like you any more. People may see you as problem because you deviated from their norm. People want you to do what they are doing.

Next, Uriah was tested. David asked Uriah to stay for two days and then he will release his soldier from something. David invited Uriah to some party, where Uriah had plenty of food and drink. David may have tried to get Uriah drunk to impose his will on Uriah. Uriah still did not go home. He still was dedicated to God. Uriah was a better man drunk than David was sober (Pastor Pender). David tested Uriah so that Uriah will fail. Sometimes people will invite you to partake of something, not because they care, but so they can tell everyone you failed and ruin your testimony.

Finally, Uriah was exploited. David took advantage of Uriah's loyalty. Uriah's loyalty cost him his life. Some people look to pray on others. There are manipulative, deceptive people everywhere.

I don't know where you are in your celibacy journey. I don't know what caused you to take this path. You will have to explain to some people why you are celibate. You will be tested for your beliefs. All sorts of heathens, former sex buddies, wannabe sex buddies will come out of the woodwork. You may have to change your behaviors, attitudes, and approaches to the opposite sex. You may have to delete some phone numbers; delete some pics (others and yours); avoid particular settings; avoid particular conversations; disable/deactivate some websites, and yes avoid some people. But first, you need to know why you chose celibacy. Knowing the reasons why, Knowing your purpose, will keep you more focused. Know your purpose and the rationale and write it down (whether in your phone, in a tablet, in Google Docs, in word). Coming into celibacy is not an easy journey and if you need more support, let me know.

Stacie D. Wyatt

Uriah and Loyalty

I wrote this piece two weeks ago for a different forum. Now I am posting it here. I started attending FallBrook Church four weeks ago. The church is wonderful. The pastor is a man of God. The messages so far have been truly uplifting. I have been celibate since 2010 for personal reasons. On the internet, there are a lot of forums, groups, websites, where sex is the primary focus. When sex is not your primary focus, not everyone will understand what you are doing because you are moving from the norm. This is encouragement for the celibate folks. Part 2 is coming soon.

May 6, 2012

In church today, the message was on Uriah’s loyalty to God. Uriah was the husband of Bathsheba and was killed in Battle. David was having an affair with Ms. Bathsheba. The pastor discussed how Uriah postponed having pleasure with his wife to serve the Lord. David wanted Uriah to go home, after returning from the field, to lie with his wife, but Uriah obeyed the Lord instead. At that time, David was controlled by sex, pleasure, drinking, and partying. David did not understand Uriah and what Uriah was trying to do. What controls you, consumes you. Sex used to control me. I had little to no moderation. If I went two weeks without sex, I would have withdrawal symptoms. I was cranky, very cranky. I would sleep with whoever just to break the cycle. Now I am almost 2 years into being Celibate. Not everyone will understand the reasons why you chose this lifestyle. You may needed peace of mind; maybe having sex conflicted with your religion; maybe you simply needed a break. People will not understand because sex is one of their primary focuses. The enemy, whoever it may be, will gnaw at you, reminding you of what you used to be or used to do. You may get a text or phone call at 2 a.m. from Him or Her. Him or Her may want to reminisce about the days of old, causing you a weak moment. You may have to let folks go to continue on this journey. If every time he or she contacts you and wants to discuss sex, maybe your relationship needs reconsideration. You do not need exposure to something, which contradicts your current purpose (even if you have to give up porn, erotica, and yes, self-pleasure). This journey of celibacy is a hard journey, with plenty of rocks, mountains, cliffs, forks to cause a quick detour. And if you slip, dust yourself off, and get back up again.   As previously stated, sometimes you have to postpone instantaneous pleasure to obtain what you need mentally and physically, to elevate yourself to the next level.

Stacie D. Wyatt

Morning Frustration

Found me a good church a few weeks back. Has a good special ed program. Nursery. But church van is starting to irk me. First visit. My mother took me and picked me up. Next visit church van. Called and confirmed pick up time. Last week no call no show. Same this week. What's the point of calling for
transportation if no one going show up?

My mother decided to take me to church real quick. The church will provide a way back home, if someone needs one. On the way to church, my mother saw a church van and decided to follow the van to see if it was meant for our house. Keep in mind, the church 10 minutes away and I am almost late. Each van has a list of passengers for pick-up. Instead of honking to determine, she decided to follow the van. The van was meant for my house, (Thank you Jesus). And she did follow it all the way back home. I was very very frustrated at this point. A) No confirmation call from the church. B) Mother said she would take me, but then turned around. C) I hate being late anywhere. I have to walk to the nursery. Sign the kids in. Then Go to church. D) I missed last week because the bus did not show up and it may show signs of a future pattern. 

Anyway, the bus driver was very understanding. He did not know why no one showed up last week. He said he will be my regular driver for this neighborhood. He gave me a time frame for future pick-ups. I got into the church finally, the choir was singing. and then the solo artist (George Something) sung one of my favorite songs (Smokey's Norful's I need you now). The song made me cry and filled my spirit. Not everything will go according to plan or routine. Life has its deviations along the way, but I can not let it frustrate me all the time. 

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Book Addiction and Free books

I am a big fan of finding free stuff online. One of the things I am addicted to is I subscribe to a few mailing lists, which sends me a list of free books on amazon daily. I like the picture books because it teaches my oldest a few new words. My mailing lists include: Pixel of InkDining DownloadsPixel of Ink Young EditionPower ReadsE Reader News TodayInspired ReadsBook Bub

Free picture books on amazon3 superhero/villian picture books
another free book another free book
more free books amazon free books

You can also follow me on twitter @sdwyatt or pininterest Stacie's Pinterest page because i post all my free finds on there(well the ones i like the most lol)

Saturday Morning

Saturday Morning

I been up since 8 am, not because I want to, but because my 11 year old created a water park in the bathroom. There was water everywhere and he tried to use the baby's tub as a step stool. Then he got hungry for some chips and dip. I also made him clean up the mess he made on my bedroom floor. Mostly his books, flashcards, and my penny collection. I have to accept the fact that my room will never be perfectly clean again, especially not with two boys sharing the same space.  Later on, we went to the bank and family dollar for some diapers, wipes, and pull-ups. Boy 1 threw a few books around in the store. So happy to get out of there. Then he had a temper tantrum in the car because he saw something, but could not tell me what. So he tried to attack the baby by pinching Boy 2's cheeks and trying to bite his hand. Yay. The joys of an autistic mom. We back home now and he running around playing his "Bob Bob" game. The baby is finally asleep after dealing with his brother. He been cranky ever since the car ride.

Introducing Perfect Chaos

Happy Saturday

Hey How are you? My Name is Stacie D. Wyatt, 32 year old female, living in Houston, Texas. I have two kids, Brad (11) and Kalen (1 year). Brad is also autistic. His brain thinks and moves on a different colored spectrum than "normal" folks. I have a bachelor's in business management and working on a dual degree in I/O Psychology. If all goes well,  I will obtain my master's this year and doctorate in 2016. My hobbies include writing poetry, reading, finding free stuff online, music, movies, hulu, kids, books, special needs, babies, etc. I just published my first book of poetry last year and in the process of finishing book 2 (just need my cover art). So far, Chocolate Kisses is on Amazon, Lulu, and Nook. I am waiting review for the Smashwords Edition. I also published three short stories: Conversing with Normality; Conversing with Salvation; and Miscarried. I have an idea for a third book, but I have to start working on it.