It's because of Brad, I am here.

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It's 6:02 am and I am supposed to be getting my youngest, ready for school, but I chose to keep Kalen, home the entire week, letting him be virtual. Why? Other than 2 appointments, it's because of his brother, Brad.

My niece's car broke down and she is unable to help. I wish she still stayed across the street, but she moved 20 minutes out, to her dad's house, because the complex wanted to raise the rent to over 1k per month. My sister is still in the vicinity, but I don't see her woke, this early. 

Brad has been eloping more--running out of the house and running out in public. Brad has always been a big runner. I stopped going to many places--parks, for example, because he will bolt. When we go somewhere new, I try to map it out on Google Maps, to see if there are any triggers--like McDonald's near by. 

Memorable Incidents. 

Need a new laptop

A few years ago, I wanted a new laptop because my old one (and now back up) was messing up. I couldn't even get on Blogger to type anything because it moved so slow. I had to type a blog post from my phone. Took over an hour to get it written up because of the freezes and restarts. I found one at Aarons but had to go pick it up. I mapped the area and didn't see any immediate triggers. I thought it would be ok to catch the bus; pick up the laptop; then head home. 

I was able to go to the store and pick up the new laptop, so I can work, but ran into issues, getting home. The bus stop was a few feet away. I figured we can ride the bus to the transit center, then come back home. The other way-- was to cross over the highway, which I did not want to attempt. 

Brad went postal. There was a McDonalds, across the highway, which I did not notice when I was looking for triggers. He wanted to bolt across North Freeway. I was able to keep him back, but I was struggling. A wonderful woman, saw me struggling, and offered me a ride home. I was so grateful. 

Visiting my former church

A few years ago, I moved from my mother's house to my own place. The new place put me out of range, to ride the church bus, to and from church. My old church was close to my mother's subdivision. During vacation bible school, during the summer, I would walk, my brats, plus other brats, who wanted to go, because I could cut through the back of the church, once I got out of the subdivision. 

I tried finding new churches, closer to me, but none resonated as a good home for my kids. I had one, I visited--where Brad had a screaming and rolling fest--and not a soul came to help me. I assumed special needs, would be open every Sunday, but it was closed, this particular Sunday. It was my 3rd visit to this church. I got him calm and just walked back home. It was a good 30 minute walk. 

I had another one--tell me-- they had a special needs program--but found out after service--that the staff just walked the kids around the church, while I was in service. It didn't help, that while I was in a visitor session, after the service--that the lady, who sat next to me, mentioned the church (probably her) didn't like me typing notes on my kindle/blue tooth keyboard (miss you .need to get another one). 

Anyways, I decided to attempt to visit my old church, for one Sunday. Get a good lesson in. See familiar folks. Enjoy my last year or so with them, since Brad was about to be 18. ( I have found an amazing church home, which has an amazing program for special needs kids and adults). 

I mapped out the route. One bus to the highway. Walk across the highway, then walk about another 30 minutes to an hour. BIG MISTAKE. Got off the bus and Brad wanted McDonalds. I didn't notice the Mcdonalds, either because, it was blocked by a few other restaurants, which wasn't triggers. I said fine--we can walk to Mcdonalds, get the kids some food, which hopefully, will keep him calm. It didn't. 

We started walking towards the golden arches, only to discover, before we approached, it was closed. It was Christmas and it was closed. He didn't want any of the other places, which was open. Brad was kicking and screaming. He ran across part of the highway. God was with him because the cars was stopped and I was able to pull him back. I had to leave Kalen, in his stroller, with our bags, near a ditch. 

Concerned citizens called the police. The police tried to help calm him down. Luckily, once again, someone, from our old church, passed by, recognized us, and offered us a ride to church and home from church. The next time, we went back, my mother took us, but he had a scream fest, at church, and we never went back. 

Incidents going to my current church

• Night to Shine 2020: I had to catch an Uber, to go from the bus depot, to church, because Brad refused to leave the bus depot. The walk is about 10-15 minutes. The bus depot has a sidewalk, which takes you directly across from the church, then just cross over the bridge and I can enter through the back of the church. 
• Went to Sunday service. There is a retirement home, across from the back of the church. Brad refused to cross over. I tried to call the director of special needs, but his number would not connect through. A concerned church member saw me struggling with Brad and was able to contact the director, for us. The member also drove us to the back of the church.

Currently, I catch a ride share to church and my mother brings us home. How did we get to this point? Well busses are out now.  Before, my mother would drop us off in the parking lot and we would walk across the street, to get into the front of the church. One Sunday, Brad decided to bolt across the parking lot; past the crossing guards; and directly into the church. 

I ran after him, with Kalen, on my back, and bags in hand. Kalen had no shoes on. I did meet, a lovely lady, who handed me a card to the church's food and clothes pantry, after she saw shoeless Kalen. 

The past week

Brad upped his elopement game. In the past few months, Brad has learned to open the front door and just run out. I bought a small, under the door, alarm from Amazon, but Brad learned to toss/trigger the alarm, and still run out. 

Brad started eloping more, out of the house, since the pandemic. He has been stuck in the house, with no where to go. Brad still hasn't been approved for day hab. It was so bad, last year, I had to be careful walking out to take out the trash or to stalk a delivery driver, because Brad would run out and it was hard to get him back in the house. 

Today feels weird: The day after: Brad returns home

Today still feels weird. 

Woke up, this morning, with my mind, stayed on Jesus and the fact, my house was still super quiet. No waking up to Brad hitting the walls, doors, and windows. The tv was not turned to Jerry Springer, Paternity Court, or Couples Court. I used to wake up to the news (miss you Eye Opener, Morning Dose, and Newsfix), but now couple drama. 

I, first, woke up at 3 am, out of habit, and rolled back over and went to sleep, after putting my phone, on the charger. It was nice, getting up at 520 am, feeling semi-refreshed, without having to find ways to keep Brad calm for hours, after we both wake up. 

Kalen was calmer too, even though he hit the walls, when he was stretching out. Kalen was also calmer walking to the bus stop, waiting, and while getting on the bus. It was nice not having to try to keep Brad stationed, in one section, away from the other little kids, while waiting for the bus. No trying to keep him from eloping and trying to walk off to the store. No getting hit, pushed, and kicked when I try to stop him. No getting spit on, this morning. 

Yet, I need to know that he did good, last night. That he didn't hit the residential home's doors, windows, and walls. That he didn't wake the staff up between 2-4 am. That he didn't run off and try to elope to the park or some other place, near by. Will he be a fit for a group home, once he is eligible to attend, after the paperwork is done? Will his behavior change, for the better, once he gets back home or will he seriously need residential placement, a few months to a few years from now?

I don't have all the answers. 

Today is a weird day

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Today feels super weird. The house is quieter than normal. The drama is reduced. The house is still a mess though, but I did clean Kalen's play area and set up, a new item for a future product video review.. Brad is gone for the next, few days, during a trial run of residential placement, to see if he can fit into a group home setting, in the future. 

Covid has taken a hit, on everyone. Brad has not responded well to being out of school, so much that I had to call crisis management for myself, multiple times. It felt weird calling, for myself, but I had enough with the daily, multiple, meltdowns. I am sick and tired of my son, hitting the walls, doors, and windows, aa soon as he wakes up, and frequently throughout the day. I am tired of being hit, pushed, kicked, and spit on, on a regular basis. Tired of the holes, in the walls, with exposed insulation and wires. Visiting Home Depot has become a regular thing because they sell sheet rock squares. I also learned how to replace blinds; made my own keys with the self key maker kiosk; and got Kalen a foam, puzzle mat, for his play area. 

JoyBos Pants Hangers Review (Tomoson)

 Disclaimer: This post contains Amazon affiliate links. 

I received a pair of JoyBos Pants Hangers, in exchange for honest review from Tomoson. 

I wanted to try and use the pants holders to hold my oldest's pants. He had a pants holder, in the past, but the pants kept falling off the hanger. 

My oldest thinks his pants is a buffet line and wants to try on multiple per day. I keep his pants, either hung up in a closet, or folded in a bin, until he needs one, and then I hand him a fresh, pair of pants. 

I loved the hangers. I was able to hang 2-3 pairs of my son's sweats and scrubs, per rung. I also used the other hanger to hang up, my pants, in the closet. The hangers have held up well and the pants have stayed on. No falling. I definitely can use a few more for my youngest's pants. You can also use the hangers, for other things, you want to hang like shirts or scarves. Many possibilities.

You can buy the hangers, on Amazon.  The hangers are prime-eligible. 

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Way Past Exhausted

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What do you do when you had enough? When you so tired, that you hate going to sleep because you won't sleep long and you hate waking up because you know nothing hasn't changed? Is this life worth living, despite all the obstacles? What is my purpose for being here, other than cooking, cleaning, parenting and fixing/repairing stuff?

"More to this life. More than living and dying. More than trying to make it through the day. More to this life. More than my eyes alone can see. There is more in this life, I long to be". Steven Curtis Chapman. Signs of Life album. More to this life. 

"There is a joy. There is a peace, that makes this life complete. For every man, woman, boy, and girl, looking for Heaven in the real world."

Waking up to Brad hitting the walls, doors, and windows. Waking up to him throwing the dirty clothes or the dirty clothes bin. Standing on the semi-broken love chair to hit the walls and the ceilings, higher. Hitting the stove hood and slamming the fridge door. Picking up dirty diapers, he tossed in corners and on top of clothes, drying. 

Standing over me, while I am sleep, like a psycho, waiting to scream, "I want phone" as soon as my eyes open. Turning on all the lights in the house to alert me of his presence, I guess. Pulling the covers off me and Kalen, while we are sleep. 

The other day, he was throwing dishes and threw the dirty clothes bin at me. I'm glad I caught it before he broke the living room window, the 5th time. Even if you give him, his meds, as soon as you get up at whatever random time, he wakes up, the behavior continues. My anxiety continues. My depression continues. Loneliness continues. Tears continue and I hate crying. 

He is going to put us out of another apartment, I just know it. People don't want to rent to special needs families, in Houston, at least when I called around, after I got the note on my last apartment door, about not renewing our lease. All I can do is clean, declutter, and repair small items, until the day happens. I don't need to take all this clutter with me to another apartment. I am not sure if I want Brad to live with us in the next apartment, but the City of Houston does not want people with severe autism in residential centers, temporary or permanent,  because Autism is not treatable or curable. He is not potty-trained either, which is another reason for disqualification. 

The downstairs neighbor, across from us, moved a few weeks ago. Was it because of Brad? Yesterday, I saw one of the former upstairs neighbors put groceries in a different apartment in a different building? Was it because of Brad? Will management ask us to leave in January, when our lease is up? How is that fair to Kalen--if we have to move--at the beginning of a new semester to a new apartment in maybe a new school? I can't go back to all virtual because of my mental health. 

How is it fair to me to keep fixing and repairing new and old wall holes, Brad has re-opened? To wake up at various times during the night to try and calm him down. To keep fixing furniture, he has broken. Yesterday, I learned a new skill, involving Kalen. I untwisted the pipes in the bathroom, to remove things, he has thrown down the sink, like corn kernels, a ball, and the sink stopper. 

I learned how to fix holes with sheetrock and a power drill, this year, because of Brad. Many thanks to my poetry buddy, Rodney, for helping me with tips and techniques, I needed. I fixed the wobbly dining room table with a bunch of screws, the other week. Still wobbly but not as wobbly. I have screwed and re-screwed the stove hood, back in multiple times. Brad also broke the tv antenna. Glad I had back up, even though I struggled to find where it was, in the closet. 

GOD ARE YOU FUCKING LISTENING BECAUSE I HAD ENOUGH. 

I am done.  I quit. I am ready to sign over my guardianship to whoever wants him. Let him eat up all their food and destroy their homes. Destroy them mentally. 

I FUCKING HATE CORONA

His behavior got worse, when he realized he wasn't going back to school after spring break and it went super downhill fast. He hasn't hit walls constantly in years, but it started back. He put more holes in the walls than he did at the last apt and my mama's former home. He broke more furniture in a shorter time period. 

I just wanted some nice furniture, not from the dumpster. I been afraid to get newer pieces because I knew it wouldn't last long. Nice table and 5 chairs from the furniture bank. He broke the base from the stand on the table (which is why it is wobbly) and broke all 5 chairs. I do have a corner of broken dumpster chairs, I am scared to fix because Brad may break them or throw them towards me, Kalen, or through the window, including 2 nice metal chairs. He broke the arm off the 3 seater sofa and I had to toss it out. He put holes in the back of the dresser. He also broke off half of one of the drawer fronts. Forgive me for wanting a nice place to put winter clothes, instead of in space bags. I finally got the dryer fixed, Brad broke, but now need the belt replaced and struggling to find someone to fix it, even on Craigslist and Nextdoor. 

I had to flip the love seat over to keep Brad from standing on it to hit the ceiling and knock the texture off. I flipped it back over, weeks ago, to clean under it, and the arm came apart from being flipped over. The mini arm railings also came off. If I flip it back over, I am not sure that I can fix it with my drill. So I am leaving it right-side up until he breaks it for good. 

I can't have anything. I guess I am not deserving since it ends up broken. Since Corona, I have bought a new phone because Brad broke it; a new computer because Kalen cracked the screen and it stopped working; Brad got a new tv because Kalen knocked it over. I still need to put up the towel bar, Brad knocked down, but I keep misplacing what I did with the brackets. I found a dumpster door (bedroom) but I put it on the bathroom (he broke original bedroom and bathroom door) for a bit of privacy until I get a new door. Rodney also told me about Habitat for Humanity's stores, which sell cheaper doors. I am not ready to pay $150 to the complex for Brad to break it a 2nd time. 

His elopement also continues. I can't walk to the store with the kids. I can't take out the trash if Brad is woke. I can't walk to the laundry room to wash my blankets and floor rug. Both are too big for the portable's spin cycle. I can't go to the mailbox without bribery or a ride from my mother or niece. I'm done. I am not the right parent for this job. 

One of the tiny homes, I love on Amazon. I would make a few mods but it is small and simple. 

I just want a nice, small home, I don't have to worry about being put out of because of Brad. A table and four chairs for speech therapists and counselors when they visit (no seating was one of the biggest complaints at my last place). A side by side fridge with padlock so I can have more variety of foods for the kids to eat. A house without holes in walls and peeled off texture. A house with intact doors. I also need sleep, good sleep, for the first time since March, and a 3 day break from both kids for my sanity. 

The Autism Trap

 

An autism trap is an area of town where there is an high risk of something fundamentally happening. A high risk of elopement. A high risk of running into traffic and almost getting hit by a car or cars. A level five massive meltdown waiting to happen- no will happen. 

A situation where I am not physically or mentally equipped to deal with. Imagine trying to pull a 200-lb man back, when we weigh close to the same, from running into the street or out of the street. Having a concerned person call 911 for an assault versus an autistic meltdown. Hoping the officer is a CIRT trained officer.

Trying to manage both the meltdown and keeping Kalen within visual distance. Sometimes a concerned citizen offers to hold him while I deal with Brad. Knowing the officers can't do anything about the situation because the city will never admit my oldest , to a psych ward, because of his violence and aggression, in addition to him not being potty-trained. Just calm him down enough to put him back on the bus or wait on a ride or someone offering us a ride home.

I try to avoid the traps by using a Lyft or an Uber, if I have the funds, to get to certain places. If I have to ride the bus, I use Google maps, for any restaurants and other enticing places, which will increase the risk. If there is a risk I have to reconsider whether or not I need to go. My mama and niece also help drive me to places to avoid traps.

The Trip to Aarons:

My methods are not always the best. Last year, I rented a computer for a few months after my HP stream, started to act stupid. I don't like blogging from my phone let alone streaming any shows. I went to Aaron's and found a reasonable one that I could use. I mapped out the route to Aarons and did not see too many risks. It was one bus from my house. I wasn't sure how to get back home though without crossing highway. I could always ride the bus downtown and back. What I didn't notice was the McDonald's, on the other side of the highway next to Aldine high, but Brad did.

Brad tried to cross a multi-lane highway. Luckily I was able to hold him back from going into the road, but it was hard. Someone saw me struggling and offered me a way home. 

The Trip to get to Church:

Another incident was a few years ago, after I moved to my first apartment. My church at that time did not offer bus service to pick us up and drop us off from the new part of town. I knew I had to start looking for a new church but that proved difficult. Looking for the right church with a special needs program for both kids is a challenge, especially with brad, close to aging out. I tried a few churches but wasn't really feeling them. One church just walked my kids around the building until church was over. 

Another one had the special needs part closed one Sunday, Brad had a meltdown, and no one offered any assistance. Usually, Brad gets us attention during meltdowns, whether from an officer, security guard,  an administrator, or other concerned party.  I had to calm him down and then walk both kids home. No point in staying for the sermon. 

One of my favorites didn't like me using my Kindle and keyboard to take notes in the sanctuary. We don't do that here said one woman, who was sitting next to me. (Watch Seven Deadly Words on Amazon. It is about a new pastor at a church,, who faced opposition, when he tried to stray from tradition.). The woman definitely won't like my now because I moved to the laptop. Got tired of every Kindle not saving notes when I got a new one. My old notes would not transfer over to the new kindle, with the app, I used, so I decided to type notes using Google Docs. 

I got tired of trying new churches and I decided to attempt to catch the bus and walk to my old church one Sunday on Christmas. It was an hour bus ride plus a possible hour walk. Yes it was a challenge but I was determined to stay at my old church until Brad turned 18. We got to the last bus stop before we had to walk the rest of the way. We had to cross over Veterans memorial. Brad wanted McDonald's. Okay no problem. I got cash. we can get McDonald's. That can keep him busy while we walk.

We started walking toward the McDonald's and a problem happened. It was closed for Christmas. Massive meltdown. Massive elopement risk. Kalen was in a stroller. Veterans memorial is a multi-lane, multi-directional road and Brad ran out into this mess. Luckily, no cars were coming along the straightaways, but he almost got hit by a car from the turn lane. I had to literally leave boy 2 in the stroller along with our bags by ditch to chase him. God was with him. I was able to pull him back.

The police was called by someone, who saw the incident.  A church member saw us with the police trying to calm him down and gave us a ride to church and back. My mama gave us rides to church after that until it was no longer feasible to go. ( Brad had a scream fest. Said he was too much to handle. Gave us a ride home and recommended our current Church home)

Current Church

My current Church, while it is not a trap, had one incident where he bolted from the church parking lot, cross the road, and into the building. I had to run in the church, with bags, and a toddler, with one shoe on, to catch him. We did get introduced to a lovely lady who handed us a card for the churches clothing and pantry shelters because of Kalen's shoe issue. 

My mother had to start dropping us off directly in front of the church to avoid this issue or on the side in the disabled parking lot.

Aldine Bender/Aldine Westfield. 

Another trap, which I never ever want to experience is the Aldine Bender and Westfield Area, where Kalen's school and Brad's former special needs high school is located. The bus stop is on one side of the highway and Burger King, Popeyes , and Wendy's is on the other side highway. Across from Brad's old school is a Sonic and a McDonald's. When I had to drop Brad back off at school after an appointment, I use my niece or a ride share, or just left him home. It's not worth it to attempt to walk this trap through the highway. Sometimes, you get a good bus driver, who will let you off, on the other side, near Wendy's. 

Kalen's school called me the other week and wanted me to venture through the trap, by bus, which inspired this post. I could not, in good faith, venture through the trap, with Brad. It was an accident/incident, waiting to happen. I can walk this trap, solo, but not with Brad. Not only, do we have to cross over and avoid fast food, it is a good 15-20 minute walk through the grass and sidewalks. There is also a house, near Kalen's school with a dog. Even if I took the longer route, where I walk down Aldine-Westfield, turn on Aldine-Bender, and turn on the road, next to Kalen's school, I run into McDonalds and Wendy's as I get closer to Lane School (miss that place), which will cause another incident. 

What are some Autism traps in your area?

Thank you for reading. Have a blessed day. 

6 months

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It has been officially 6 months, since the kids have been in a school setting. March 6, they was supposed to leave Friday for Spring Break and return within a week. I was happy because for the first time, since I was a kid, my birthday (March 19) did not fall on Spring Break. I didn't know how I would celebrate, maybe I could convince my mother to take me out to eat that week, but I was going to celebrate my 40th, somehow. 

I didn't expect 6 months of nonsense and bullshit to follow. My oldest's behavior started escalating, the day, he realized, he was supposed to go back to school. My youngest's night owl side came out more. By the time, one kid goes to sleep, it would be soon before the other child woke up (and who knew which time, my oldest would wake up, but when he woke up, he definitely let everyone know. It has gotten so bad, I am paranoid and filled with anxiety, when I wake up, in the middle of the night, before he does, because he can sense when I am woke, and the drama begins. I am lonely. I am depressed. I can't live, like this, for another 6 months. I spend most of my mornings, trying to calm Brad down and still have to remember to log in to Kalen's school for attendance plus do an assignment. 

My life is pathetic. Who wants to wake up to a kid, destroying their home and furniture? Who wants to hide all their can goods, sharps, and pantry items, in the closet versus the kitchen? Who wants to constantly beg to God for all of this stop? the hitting and kicking of walls, doors, ceilings, and windows; the waking up at all hours of the night; the worrying about if my lease will be renewed in a few months; a child hellbent on destroying what little we have.  I know people don't want to hear all this but I need to vent somewhere. I have definitely drunk more wine coolers and other liquor, plus a lot of snacks, during this mess. Cried too many tears daily and I hate crying.

Fuck this shit. I am exhausted. I am burnt out. I am mentally drained. I have looked into group home again, but no one wants to touch Autism. I have looked into hospitals for stabilization, but none want to touch Autism. So what in the fuck am I supposed to do? I know God is in the works somewhere. In his timing, things will work out one day, hopefully, but his timing is not bringing me complete peace, right now. I need relief. I need sleep. I need a break, other than grocery and pharmacy runs. My mother has started taking me out to eat more to get me out of this house. I can do so much more if the kids left the house: closet needs organization; clothes need organization; books need organization; kitchen pantry needs organization; under my bed needs organization; 

Only thing, which works, is 

In 6 months, I have experienced: 

• I have learned how to make a simple cheese using dry buttermilk powder and lemon juice. The video used regular milk/buttermilk but I can't keep regular liquid milk in the house because one of my kids will pour it down the drain. 
• I been working on de-cluttering, my house, slowly. I got rid of a lot of kitchen utensils and jars, I do not use; some old clothes (still got a ways to go on clothes); and other random household stuff. I re-organized the living room. I cleaned off a lot of junk off my desk area. I organized my spare cords bin. I made small progress in the closet. I removed a lot of junk from under the bed. 
• My niece helped me make homemade ice cream. I bought the ingredients but she took over. It tasted good. It was a cookie butter cheese cake recipe. 
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• I have made a stress putty, based on a video, I saw on Youtube. 
• I fixed my first big hole in the wall with sheet rock versus a patch. Thank you Rodney. 
• I fixed another small hole without any patches, to see if I could do it, based on a Youtube Video.
• Someone helped me out, big time, by telling me how to get my portable dryer to work again for a little while.  

• Brad broke the plug by pulling the dryer from the wall, last year. (belt keeps falling off now. Ms. Williams told me that the dryer would still work without the ground plug. It did. I definitely prayed before I used the dryer, just to be on the safe side. The person, who fixed the plug eventually, told me to watch videos on Youtube to learn how to put the belt back on. )

• Someone helped me get a portable washer. I had to outsource all of my laundry to my niece. My kids don't behave well, walking to and from the laundry rooms. Last time, I tried, Brad tried to run off, while Kalen refused to move off the ground, when I was trying to take the loads back into the house. 
• I made Kalen, a play stove (well multiple play stoves, along with a cabinet and fridge) because he kept breaking the ones, I got from Amazon. He has since upgraded by ordering, without a single person's permission,  a Step 2 big kitchen set, using both a gift card, I won from a social media conference, and my mama's credit card. 
• Even though I wasn't sure about keeping or returning it, Kalen definitely needed it versus just a stove. His skill set and words has improved. He does think the microwave is a fridge (we don't have a microwave because of Brad's lack of safety skills) and the Keurig (yep, it has a Keurig built-in) is an ice maker (no clue where he saw an ice maker at). The pods are ice. 
• He  pulled out all the food and accessories from all 4 stove/kitchen sets and applied them to the big set. 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• My basic bread recipe also works as a tortilla too. I probably wont make them again, for a while, because it takes too long to roll out and individually cook. 

 

 But I have also experienced;

• Brad putting new holes in the wall. What pissed me off more was someone helped me fix four holes, in the walls, with sheet rock versus patches. Brad put new holes in the walls, including 2 in the new sheet rock. 
• Brad started back sitting in my bed, and eventually laying in my bed. I do not want him in my bed because he breaks beds: frames and mattresses. I like my mattress. I like my frame (got a heavy duty, platform bed, with rounded corners, years ago). Brad can break my bunkie board though. I did catch him jumping in my bed, one day. No slats means no support. I do not want my bed directly on the floor. 
• Brad waking up between 2 am to 7 am, in the mornings. He goes straight from waking up to either the bathroom to pee OR to the door, windows, and walls to hit and kick. 
• The stove hood has been knocked down, partially, and I had to re-screw it back in place, multiple times. One of the last times, it hit me in the head, while I was trying to hold it up and screw in a back screw. 
• I had to flip all my sofas over to keep Brad from standing on them to hit the ceiling. 

• Brad broke his iPad, his teacher gave him as a graduation gift. Brad broke a sofa plus a few chairs. Brad knocked some of the texture off the ceiling. I tried experimenting with popcorn texture to fix it, but haven't got the hang of it yet. 
• Kalen broke the TV. Of course, Brad now wants to play his game (Vtech Innotv) that he barely played all year. 
• Kalen wants to stay up all night, despite Melatonin in his system. Baths and lavender lotion also works. I took a break from the baths and lotion, after he got his heart monitor removed, earlier this year, but haven't got the routine back yet. He was unable to take a bath for a week or two, but I could wipe him down. 
• One of the kids broke my crock pot bowl. 
• Kalen broke my laptop, I just got in September. He cracked the screen, making it lose its touch screen capabilities, then started removing keys. Had to wait weeks until Best Buy and Geek Squad opened to invoke the power of the warranty. Had to wait another few weeks for repair and the text, which said pc cant be repaired. Get a new pc. 

• Had to use my old pc until the newer one got repaired. HP #1 sucks but it definitely let me still talk to people and do reviews, when it wasn't crashing. 

• Brad broke my phone. Felt sorry for him since he had no TV and no Ipad. He bent the pins within two weeks. Luckily, a friend sent me some money and I was able to get a new phone. 
• Brad broke my dining table, I was going to use for speech therapy and in-home appointments with coordinators (I really wanted a nice table and chairs, which didn't come from the dumpster, but can't have that either). 
• Brad put holes in the back of the dresser, I moved their winter clothes to. 

I wish I had the funds to get some land and a tiny house. I wish-listed a few on Amazon. I would make a few modifications but having my own place without worrying about if the lease will be renewed because of Brad's behavior, would help a lot. The house below is one of my favorites. I would make the living room smaller and incorporate a bigger, walk-in closet for clothes, pantry items, and tools. The master bedroom would also have a door to the bathroom. I also thought about turning the other bedroom into a sensory room with rubber walls. No popcorn ceilings. Heavy duty doors. Brick walls. Side by side fridge. No dishwasher. Fenced in front and back yard so they can run and play. 

Blackout

Disclaimer: This post contains Amazon Affiliate Links

A few weeks ago, May 27th, we had a blackout because of lightening and thunderstorms. While I do not like lightening and thunderstorms, the parent in me, was happy, because my kids do not like rain. Both kids normally go to bed early, during bad storms. Yay, I can rest. I can breath. I can do some cleaning in peace.

This night, it was different.

Brad did go to bed early. I saw him, winding down, on the couch, so I quickly gave him, his night meds, and let him crash. Kalen, on the other hand, decided to defy expectations, and not go to bed, until late. I gave him, his seizure meds. I gave him, a bath and rubbed him with lavender lotion, but he did not crash. I gave him melatonin too.

He took the blackout, hard, because the lights was off. The wifi was down. Youtube was no more. It didn't help that the kindle and laptop had also died early too. I had no options to entertain him. I do have a usb-powered light, which I cut on, so he wouldn't be completely scared. He kept asking me to turn on the lights and the phone. I had to remind him, that I was not God. Saying let there be light was not going to work. 

I had somewhere to be, the next morning. Kalen had his bi-annual cardiology appointment. I did not want to go to bed before the lights came back on so I can make sure the alarms are still set. What saved me was I remembered I had an battery-powered alarm clock, on a shelf in the closet. I also grabbed the mini sound machine. I don't know when I got it, but I was hoping one of those sounds, would help calm Kalen down. It didn't. I definitely recommend people get a battery-powered alarm clock. Smart devices do crash and nothing like having an alternative. I had not used the clock or sound machine,  in a while because my kids liked to knock it over. I got tired of resetting the clock and the alarm, so I put it up in the closet. The sound machine is now under the bed for emergencies. The clock is still standing (Kids knocked it down once) on my side table.

Kalen tried to entertain his self by looking out the window at other people, walking by. I rocked him. Nothing would calm him down to save my life. I was at a lost, this night.

Eventually, we both crashed. The lights came back on at 1:30 am. I quickly put all devices, back on the charger, before any kid woke up. I was glad Brad slept through the blackout because I could sense a meltdown, once he realized, the television would not come on.

Stacie's Cruising Tips

On my last two cruises, My behavior and mannerisms seemed to attract many first-time cruisers, looking for assistance, not including the man on my last cruise, behind me in the lunch line, who voiced his concerns about my internet package lol. I decided to write a blog post, for first-timers, who cruise. I also picked up a few new things on my last cruise, I noticed others was doing. It was like, why didn't I think of this before.


Photos ( I can't figure out how to embed from Google Photos).

• Book Early. Pay it off early. Budget for any deposits. Budget for monthly payments to pay off the cruise before the deadline. Stalk the websites for good sales, such as reduced deposit or BOGO. 
• Prepay for anything you can. This includes gratuities; internet packages; drink packages; water; soda, etc. Prices go up, once you board. 
• Complete the on-board check in before you board. You can complete the form online for all your guests. 
• Don't forget your identification and sail and sign card, when leaving the ship for port days. 
• Bring a pen or highligher to highlight things, you want to do on the Fun times or other cruise material. Carnival also has the Carnival Hub, where you can favorite things, you want to do. You also can chat with others, roomed with you. You device will get notifications when it's time for the event to start. The app also has a map, if you have a tendency to get lost, like Stacie. You can also grab a paper map at customer service. 
• Bring a lanyard (and hole punch) to hold your id and sail and sign card. You can also get your card, hole punched, at customer service. You can clip your sail and sign to your keys, for example, or a lanyard. 
• Turn off your data once you board. Put your phone and other devices in airplane mode to avoid roaming charges. Even though the ship has not moved yet, it is easier to remember when you board, rather than forget later, after the ship is in international waters. 
• After you cruise, sign up for the VIFP program. You earn points with every cruise. As you level up, you earn perks. 
• Get a water package. Carnival water, for example, is the only water, you can take on and of the ship. My mama and I got two jumbo bottles of water, in the room, but we also order 12 packs of water to drink. 
• Please attend the Muster Drill. The drill will show everyone, what to do, in case of an emergency, such as how to use your life jacket and where the life boats are. 
• If you need to communicate with people, back home, get an internet package. I used Facebook, Twitter, and Marco Polo to communicate with niece (who was watching my kids) and to show a friend of mine, who never cruised before, around the ship. I also went live during a few shows to share the experience with others. I prefer the premium package to make sure everything works. I also want to stream my music and movies, at night. I watched a lot of HGTV in the room, when we was there. 
• Bring a refillable cup for drinks around the ship. If you take it off the boat, you may have to dump out contents, when returning on ship. 
• Fill out the room service card for breakfast each morning and put it your door slot stuff holder, if you want breakfast delivered versus going to lido or formal dining.
• If you want a free facial, go to the spa wellness event. They showed everyone how to use the elemis products and passed around the products, for people to use. 
• If you want a free pendant, the fun shops offer a free pendant for everyone. Prepare to wait in a long line. 
• If you want free glass of wine, attend the art auction.
• You can say no to the professional photographers. I been on multiple cruises. Sometimes I get the nice photos. Sometimes, I don't. If they are taking photos of people at dinner, you can say no. 
• You can order as many free appetizers, entrees, and desserts, for formal dinner. This is the tip, which helped many people, who sat at the table with me, on the last two cruises. If you want a melting cake and a cheese plate, feel free. 
• Go to Guys and get the fries. They are so good. You can even ask for the toppings on just the fries, versus the burger. The burger is good, but those fries.. Amazing. 
• New tip: bring along hair clips or any clips, to clip towels to chairs, to keep the towels from moving. 
• New tip: When going through the Lido deck for food, use a napkin to cover your food. It is open air and bugs are flying. I had a massive bug fly into my breakfast taco at Blue Iguana, after the server, handed me my plate. 
• New tip: Take photos of your crew members' name tag. Their salary depends on customer surveys, after the tip ends. Using their names helps them achieve recognition and a raise. 
  
  
  
  

• Cheers is worth it. I love liquor. I want coffee. I want milk shakes. If you can afford it, get it. I can't get it when Im cruising with just my mama (she does not drink. Everyone over 21, in the room, has to purchase it), but when it is me and my kids to a room, yep Cheers is worth it. 
• Faster to the fun: If you got kids, especially special needs kids. Book early. Get FTTF. It gives you priority embarkation and debarkation. You get to use the customer service line for diamond and platinum people. 
• Camp Carnival: If your kids are young enough, sign them up for Camp Carnival. My kids loved it. I have no idea what to do with Brad, now that he 18. The next family cruise with him, is undecided, unless I do Autism on the Seas, but AOTS is expensive. They offer respite though. When sign ups for camp open, go there asap. I received a phone because I am a special needs parent, so camp can communicate with me. Camp does not change diapers or dispense medication. 
• Anytime Dining: If you book early enough, you can dine anytime versus early or late dining. Great for when the kids are acting up and you can't make it to a set time. Lido is always open 24 hours for pizza, ice cream, and a few other places. 
• It is ok to ask for help when debarking. Brad has a hard time, getting off the boat, even with FTTF. The first family cruise, I was frustrated. The hallways and some elevators was blocked off for crew. I could not find my way to the gangway to save my life. I asked for help. I was put in a wheel chair, with Kalen in my lap, and rolled to the debarkation area. The next cruise, he went into meltdown mode. We was going to the debarkation area for FTTF people. Brad saw my mama and wanted to be with her. I asked for help. I was walked to the front of the line. They let me off the dang boat, without showing any form of identication because of Brad's behavior
• Cash is King. Bring cash for your spending money on boat. You can load the cash at customer service or one of the many kiosks, around the boat. If you use a credit card, there is a $100 dollar hold. It may take a few days, after you come back home, for the hold to clear. 
• You don't have to bring money on a cruise. I didn't really bring money until I started bringing the kids. My first cruise, we had $500 in room credit because our original destination was changed because of a hurricane. I prefer to build up room credit with price matching versus bringing cash or a credit card. Call your cruise line a few times a week, after you pay off the cruise, to see if prices are lower. Room credit. 
• Customs rules have changed. Attend the session for debarkation so you can know what to claim and not to claim. 
• There is clean family shows and there are adult shows. Pick your poison carefully. The last adult comedy show, I attended, was making jokes about celebrities, who committed suicide. Adult karaoke is nice though. Great to facebook live lol. There are the good singers and there are those, who know they sing bad, and will get there anyway. 
• You can never go wrong with extra undies. Anything can happen. 
• Roll your clothes. I love travel organizers for this purpose. You can hold more stuff, but don't overpack too much. You have to carry this stuff on and off, if you don't place your luggage out for staff. 
• Don't forget your soap, deodorant, diapers, wipes, mattress pads, body wash, tooth brush, medications, power strip, feminine supplies. You do not want to buy them in the shops. The ship's bathroom body wash is nice, but nothing like your own stuff. 
• Bring a power strip, not a surge protector. My last cruise, had 1 USA outlet and 1 European outlet. I have to charge phone, laptop, and kindle. My mama also had to charge her phone. 
• Charge your power banks for your devices before you board and during down times. 
• Bring along a few extra plastic bags for wet and soiled clothing. 
• Download a few movies and music to your devices , before you board, to calm down your kids, especially when it is late at night and you don't want to take them out anymore lol. 
• Don't run away with the cruise ship's stuff. Don't take the robes. Don't take the blue, Serenity towels. Don't take any towels.Leave the sheets and blankets alone.  You will be charged. The stuff is for sale online and in the fun shops. 
• If you don't like smoke, stay away from the Casino. 
• Settle your account, each night, if you have a cash account, if you went over. You don't want to be in the long line of people, removing tips, on the last night, if you are not FTTF. If you have a credit card, your card will be charged for transactions, on the boat. 
• You will hear The Theme to Titantic, multiple times, during formal dinner and other places on the boat. Get used to it lol .

• Well these are all my tips, I can think of. Share any other tips in the comments section on the blog or the social media posts. Thank you for reading.