She's Got the Wrong Guy Review (Litfuse)

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I read She's Got the Wrong Guy, IWhy Smart Women Settle)in exchange for honest review from Litfuse. The book was written by Deepak Reju. The book is Christian-based. Reju discusses how dating is harder for single, intelligent, Christian women.

For me, I was impressed with the title. I have limited dating experiences. I never been big on dating and relationships. I started late in life dating. I focused on grades to achieve my goals to moving as far from Texas as possible, in order to have a life (ended up moving back in 2010. I  married my first boyfriend, even though I saw red flags. I was in college at the time (for the wrong reasons. not the right school for me), when I met him. We got married less than two years later after we married.

The next and last boyfriend, I had was in 2006. The relationship lasted a month or so. I met him, leaving work. He was going in to work and I was on my way to the bus stop to go home. What stood out about him was he was wearing a suit to go clean a stadium.

I just don't grasp the ins and outs of dating. I want to date. I want to be married again one day, but I want to do things the right way. From my limited dating experiences and my former promiscous life, I have seen many red flags, I don't want in my next relationship.

I have noticed not many men want to date a celibate woman, nor do many want to date the promiscuous woman. Many want the option of sex if I decide to enter into a relationship. Even with celibacy, everyone has a different definition. I have talked to "celibate" men, who still wanted the option of sexual activity without the penetration. Reju does a good job explaining how sex has become prevalent in today's society. Even Christians struggle with promiscuity and pornography.

Reju also discusses how women settle for men because they want marriage or motherhood. Women accept red flags to achieve goals. Women also stay in settled relationships, even when the relationship isn't working.  From dating non-believers to dating overly flirtatious men, women settle. Settling and ignoring red flags can affect your morals, values, and faith. When I was younger, I was taught co-habitation and premarital sex was wrong. I was raised these things was wrong, yet engaged in them many times. As I got older, I had to pay for the consequences of my actions, including a more jaded personality. I can sense a red flag approaching and try to shut it down quick. It's like I heard and seen this before, this is not anything new, go away.

The book is a good read.

You can purchase the book using the link above in Kindle and Paperback format.

Date like a Girl, Marry Like a Woman (iRead Book Tour).

Disclaimer: This post was sponsored by iRead Book Tours. This post contains Amazon Affiliate Links.

About the book:

Date Like a Girl, Marry Like a Woman: The Polished Woman's Guide to Love, Romance, and Sex will help you navigate how to have a good time with "Mr. Right Now" and how to hold onto "Mr. Right" once you find him. Providing a mix easy to follow rules, and anecdotes showcasing how they worked (and in some cases what happened when they were ignored), Jessica Bunevacz is the best friend you'll wish you had all along and the one whose advice you'll go back to again and again.

Unlike “The Rules”, its successors, or similar books offering guidance on how to snag a man, this book isn't about playing hard to get, instead it's about playing to win. And the only way that you can truly to that is when you acknowledge yourself as the MVP. This is why one of the first rules in Date Like a Girl, Marry Like a Woman: The Polished Woman's Guide to Love, Romance, and Sex is about shedding your insecurities, and why other rules offer insight on looking, feeling, and being your best, with an emphasis on having your own life. Additionally, while other guides stop when you get to a marriage proposal, this is the book you'll come back to after you say “I do”. Understanding that happily ever after may be a good way to end a movie, but isn't a good way to start a marriage there are real tips about everything from friendship to sex to finances with both humor and heart.

Ultimately Date Like a Girl, Marry Like a Woman: The Polished Woman's Guide to Love, Romance, and Sex is a work that is meant to transcend beyond the pages as it's lessons are applied in daily life. It never asks a woman to shy away from her impulses or to hide who she is or what she wants, and instead celebrates her independence and sensuality while showing her ways that she can make her romantic life more fulfilling.

Author's Bio:

What do you get when you mix a strict Catholic upbringing, a strong curiosity for the opposite sex, and the need to grow up quickly? If you're lucky you get an outcome like Jessica Bunevacz, the vivacious and outspoken first time author behindDate Like a Girl, Marry Like a Woman: The Polished Woman's Guide to Love, Romance, and Sex.

Born Jessica Rodriguez in the Philippines and raised by her grandparents after the separation of her mother and father, Bunevacz was thrust into the role of provider after the murder of her mother when she was fifteen. With four siblings relying on her she began work early, first as a live mannequin and later as a model, actress, talent manager and television host. The jobs not only helped her to support her siblings, but also her first two children. One of her proudest moments while working in entertainment was as the force behind a project called “Miss Ugly No More” where women were showed how they could feel and look their best. Juggling family and work Bunevacz was not content to simply sit on the sidelines while life passed her by, and dating became her favorite contact sport.

Traveling frequently for work and fascinated by men it wasn't long before she developed a set of rules to snag them, and guidelines for how she could remain at her best without being bested by the games others were playing. It wasn't long before she became a self-proclaimed MANnizer, capable of capturing and holding the attention of whoever interested her, while also continuing to do what was in her best interest as both a mother and entrepreneur with both family and a business to protect.

A romantic at heart however she soon stopped her pursuit of “Mr. Right Now” when she met the man who was “Mr. Right”, the man who became her husband. Newly married, she found herself rethinking everything she knew and realized that the same qualities that made a woman an amazing girlfriend didn't necessarily work for a wife. Rather than wait for someone else to write a marriage manual, she retooled her dating rules for herself to apply for a life after marriage. Jessica Bunevacz is now a happily married wife and mother of three currently residing in California.

While her life has been unconventional she has no regrets, and lives with the understanding that we all have the same basic desire: to feel loved, whether it's just for one night or for an entire lifetime. Using her own life experiences as a basis she develop real-world relationship advice to help women feel more confident and comfortable whether they're dating or have already said "I do".

My Review:

I wanted to read the book because I struggle at this dating thing. I would like to get re-married again one day, but I have to navigate the troubled waters of the dating pool. I thought my biggest issue was having herpes (10 years), but now I worry about how men will respond to my kids and how men will respond to my celibacy. I recently had a man, I talked to for 3 days over the phone (I hate talking over the phone) only to tell me he is not interested if I continue to remain celibate. 

In the book, the author discussed her dating experiences, but she does not claim to be an expert in dating. The book is broken up into two parts: One for women, who are dating, (Date like a girl) and one for women, who are married (Marry like a woman).

The first thing, I found interesting was when the author described the most common types of men women will see while dating: Mr. Boring; Mr. Immature; Mr. High Profile; Mr. Big Spender; Mr. Insecure; Mr. Cheap; Mr. Jealousy; Mr. Married Man; Mr. Workahololic; Mr. Nice Guy; Mr. Superhero; Mr. Mama's boy; Mr. Narcissist; and Mr. Shady

Then, the author goes into the rules such as Don't date a married man; Open up your insecurity box (be open about your insecurities); and Never chase a man.  You don't have to call someone constantly or always take initiative when it comes to calling, texting, or setting up dates. If someone is interested in you, he will initiate contact and you don't have to ring his phone 30 times in one day. The author also recommends not sleeping with a man on the first date.

I strugged with rule 5: Let him know you're interested. If you like someone, let him know (provided he is available).

You can read about more rules in the the book. The book is available in paperback and kindle

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The Fairy Tale Formula Review (Sage Book Tours)

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I read the Win His Heart Now!: 10 Simple Steps to Get What You Want  by Elena Burnett, in exchange for honest review.

About the Book:

The Fairy Tale Formula discusses the ten most common fairy tale misconceptions women have about men dating and relating. It also discusses how to date the right way.

Burnet discusses how to get inside the mind of a man to determine how he feels about love and romance.

The Fairy Tale Formula is a manual on the art of love and communication. It will help you realize the adjustments needed in your dating and relationship life in order to get the success you deserve! International Relationship Specialist and Dating Author, Elena Burnett, will reveal the solutions to you in her clear even-handed approach.

This important book on dating and communication strategy will help you see love and romance through the eyes of men. You may very well identify with more than one situation presented in these fairy tale ideas women have about men as you learn the reasons why they are not working. Solutions will be provided to you in each of the cases discussed in the book. These proven effective tools and tips will allow you to do your part correctly and make him fall for YOU!

The REAL truth about men dating and relating every woman need to know.

Author Bio

Elena was born in France and raised between Paris and Madrid.. Elena is Multilingual and world traveled, speaks French, Spanish, English and Italian. She has been living in the United States for the past 14 years and received her Bachelor's Degree in Metaphysical Healing Art here as well.

Elena is an International Relationship and Dating Specialist with more than 20 years of experience helping men and women in their romantic life, having studied extensively with Dr. Pat Allen.. Elena is also an Spiritual Counselor. Her interest in Alchemy and the Esoteric sciences spans her entire lifetime. Her specialty is tarot card, palmistry, face analysis and numerology, with an emphasis on relationships of all types and career readings.

My Review

I always struggled with dating. Even now, in my 30s, I still struggle with the concept of dating. I think now dating would be too much of a burden, since I don't have babysitters for my children. I also am scared to death once someone meets my kids, especially if Brad has a major meltdown or Kalen has a spell. I definitely have learned from past dating and past marriage experiences, such as I will never live with a man before marriage again.

In my head, my fairy tale man is someone, who believes in God. He must be financially secure. He must not want any more kids. I love an older man, with bald head or a short hair cut. He also must be celibate because I'm not going to be celibate alone, while he entertains other women's company. 

The book tries to discuss the fairy tale myths, younger women and men (45 or younger) experience. 

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Dating the Wrong Men Review (Tomoson)

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I read Dating the Wrong Men: The Misadventurer's Guide Through Bad Relationship Choices. in exchange for honest review from Tomoson. The book was written by Kelly Rossi.

I hate dating, with a passion. I married the first boyfriend, because I didn't want to go through that process over again, even though the red flags were there. As of now, I haven't had sex or dated in over 4 years. Then again, I never really dated. I had sex mostly. Now, I am in that struggle, where I am waiting until I get married again to have sex, which limits potential dating partners. Many people want to test drive the goodies before saying I do.

Whenever I do start this dating thing, I want to do it the right way. My circumstances changed a lot in the last few years. My income comes from blogging and books versus seasonal jobs. I have two special needs kids, who both live with me. They have plenty of ARD meetings and doctors appointments to keep me busy until school starts back in August. Of course, summer means ESY (extended school year) for both kids this year. And of course, my goodies, my goodies, will stay locked in the jar until marriage. As I got older, my standards have changed. Things, I used to accept, I will not accept anymore. Like, I don't do crushes anymore. All my crushes have been completely wrong for me. One crush, who I lived with for a few months, is now in jail for child molestation. Another former crush rejected me twice. There will not be a third time.

In the book, Rossi discusses her experiences dating the wrong  men and how her standards have also changed with her experiences. The first story, she discussed an abusive, control freak, who was doing extra to see how she will respond for a screen play. He also put his hands around her neck. I'm so glad, Rossi was able to escape him and his drama. She also provides signs of an abusive, control freak, for your reference. Rossi also provides resource numbers, to call, if you need help.

Rossi also discusses alcoholism and an ex's death. Other topics include cheating, divorce, rebound relationships, timing, fear of commitment, and playing games in relationships. Her stories are funny and insightful. She also provides the signs to look for with each scenario.

You can purchase the book on Amazon in Kindle (free for Kindle Unlimited) and Paperback format.

Please note, the kindle edition has no table of contents, so no hyper-linking and no jumping around to the chapters, which I have experiences with

50 Shades of Women's Desires book review (Tomoson)

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A photo posted by Stacie D Wyatt (@sdwyatt1980) on Dec 18, 2014 at 3:24pm PST

I read Fifty Shades of Women's Desires: The Allure of Twilight, Fifty Shades, and Other Pop-Culture Phenomena: The ultimate guide for relationships that will answer: is it me or the relationship?, in exchange for honest review from Tomoson. The book was written by Niloo Dardashti. I received a paperback copy of the book.

I never read 50 Shades of Grey, but I have copies of all three books.

The book discusses relationships. The book reminded me of the Fantasy Fallacy, (previously reviewed), where women defined romance by romance novels. This time, people are entranced by Christian Grey and whoever the woman was. They want to be submissive. They want a little BDSM.

Dardashti also discussed Twilight series, which I think is Team Edward versus Team Jacob. Some women want to get bit by a vampire or a werewolf,  and fall in love for eternity.

I stopped reading a lot of romance books because my lack of love life never happens like in the books or movies. I also couldn't take the elaborate sexual imagery, especially while living a celibate lifestyle.

One of the first things, which stood out, was the section on the idealized man. According to Dardashti, women love a man, who is accepting, attuned, and offers a balance of stability and unpredictability (p 6)

You can purchase the book on Amazon, using the link above. The book is available in Kindle edition only right now. The price is under 5 dollars. Prime members can borrow the book for free using the Kindle Owners Lending Library.

An experiment in dating

An acquaintance of mine, on Facebook, asked me to help him find a wife. I decided to use Perfect Chaos to help him. If he is able to get a few dates, then I will try this experiment again in the future. I used his preferences to create a dating questionnaire.

True Gemini does not want to reveal his real name or post a picture.

About Him

Demographics:

Race: African-American

Location: Atlanta, Georgia. T.G. is not willing to relocate.

Age: 36

Children: 15, 16, and 17.

Description: 5’10, Average Build, Brown-Skinned, Well-Groomed, Shaved head, Dimples, Multiple Tattoos. Attractive.

Education: High School Diploma

Military Experience: US Army

Religion: Christian. Attends church regularly.

Profession: Maintenance at a daycare facility for two years.

Hobbies: Electronics, Music, Cars, and Motocycles

Dating Preferences:

TG desires marriage and more children, in the future. TG does believe in cohabitation.  He is also financially responsible and he pays bills on time.

TG’s parenting style is firm but fair. She should also 25 to 42 years old. Race is not important.

She should also be God-fearing, classy, respectable, in shape or average height and weight proportioned.

TG is a romantic. An ideal first date is conversation over a simple dinner in a romantic setting or a picnic in the park, depending on weather.

TG is sexually active and has been diagnosed with HSV 2 (Genital Herpes). He will date someone without any STDs or someone with Herpes only. He also has a disability.

If you are interested, please fill out the dating questionnaire below. I will submit any responses to him for future contact.

Dating Questionnaire

Awaken Love Review and Giveaway (Fly By Blog Promotions)

This post contains Amazon Affiliate Links.

About the Book (from media kit)

The Song Couple's Devotional is a 6-week book for couples that can help awaken love in their marriage. With daily relationship insights and prayer points drawn from the Song of Solomon, this devotional will help couples grow in their relationship with God and one another.

Inspired by the Song of Solomon, The Song is both a full-length movie and resource for churches to explore God’s plan for relationships, love and marriage.

About the author: (from media kit)

Kyle Idleman is the Teaching Pastor at Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky, the fourth-largest church in America. Author of the award-winning and bestselling book, not a fan., and presenter of eight of City on a Hill’s curriculum series, he regularly speaks at conferences and events around the world. Kyle and his wife DesiRae have four children.

My Review: 

Even though I am single and happily divorced, I wanted to read this book, in hopes, I will get remarried again one day (hope I get selected for married at first sight). This marriage book is one of the thinnest, I ever seen, which I love. Each chapter (day) has a devotional, a reflection (Bridge), and notes (place to write your notes down). The chapters are short and easy to understand. There is no questions to answer.

The book is also accompanied by the following:

1. The Song Small Group Study
2. The Song Pastors Kit
   
3. The Song Album (Music From & Inspired By The Original Motion Picture)
   
4. The Song Participant's Guide
5. The Song Couple's Kit (DVD)

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Giveaway

Enter to win a copy of Awaken Love from Fly By Blog Promotions.

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A lifelong love by Gary Thomas Book Review and Giveaway

This post contains Amazon Affiliate Links.

I received A Lifelong Love: What If Marriage Is about More Than Just Staying Together? in exchange for honest review from Fly By Blog Promotions. The book is written by Gary Thomas.

I wanted to read the book to see how to become a better wife whenever I married again. The book teaches about how to live a sacred marriage, versus any marriage. How to live a spirit-intentioned marriage. The book provides tools needed to inspire you and your spouse. The book consists of 3 parts, 21 chapters. The book also has questions for reflection at the end of each chapter.

With more people getting divorced, such as myself (finally divorced earlier this year), I would love a marriage with God at the forefront versus the background. Thomas said a marriage should share a love of Christ. The more you love God, the more you should love your spouse (p. 27). No matter what material possessions you have or the kids or sex can replace God in a relationship (p. 28).

I also loved p. 35 where Thomas said to think of your wife as God's daughter and God is your father in law. If you disrespect or mistreat your wife, then you will face trouble from daddy.

Finally, on page 41, Thomas said we need to empathize and understand what our spouses are going through--with love--just like God does.  No matter what they are going through, your spouse is still God's son or daughter.

Giveaway

Enter to win a copy of A life long love. Giveaway ends in 7 days.

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Sex and the Single Christian Girl by Marian Jordan Ellis (Bethany House)

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I read Sex and the Single Christian Girl: Fighting for Purity in a Rom-Com World in exchange for review from Bethany House. The book was written by Marian Jordan Ellis and published by Bethany House.

I wanted to review the book because I have been celibate for over 3 years. The book's description sounded good and I could not pass it up.

The book discusses how to maintain your purity in a rom-com (romantic comedy) world. In a romantic comedy, you have a girl, who likes a guy or vice versa. He may not be interested right away. At the end of the movie, the couple somehow ends up together. On page 11, Ellis said:

In a romantic comedy, everything wraps up in a beautiful little package in an hour and thirty minutes. but real life doesn't work that way. For one thing, there are never negative consequences for sex outside of marriage. In a rom-com world, everyone is happy, STD free, and blissfully strolling off into the sunset. 

Not to mention, in some rom-coms, the couple has hot, passionate sex before marriage. The audience cheers and cries for the couple, despite the couple has went against God's word. In church, the other week, the pastor discussed the television show, Scandal. He said people cheer for the mistress and the president to be together, while ignoring the president is married. Ellis also said on page. 13, that " we become desensitized to the immorality that has been wrapped up in a beautifully soft-lensed package."

Maintaining sexual purity or celibacy is hard enough without falling in love with the characters in a movie or a romance book.

The book was a good read. Now, I just need a kindle version for my Fire.

Valerie Coleman The forbidden secrets of the goody box Book Review and Blog Tour (Write Now Virtual Tours)

I read The Forbidden Secrets of the Goody Box, by Valerie J. Lewis Coleman, in exchange for review from Write Now Virtual Tours. This post does contain affiliate links.  I received a paperback copy of the book. I wanted to read the book because the description was interesting. Some aspects of the book could apply to Celibacy Diaries. 

The book is about Debra, who has been in a string of bad relationships. She jumps in the bed too quickly. At the beginning of the book, Debra is in a "relationship" with Vincent. She is like a sugar mama to me. They have different beliefs in God, but she wants to marry him. She also spends a lot of money on him. As she leaves church, she decides to accept his proposal, but catches him in a bed with a "friend". A "friend" she only been on a few girly dates with. Not a real friend. Eventually, she moves on to another man, who only dates her long enough to get her in the bed, only to never be heard from again. To me, she gives her all to men, who are not worth her all. 

The book also discusses Debra's two friends, Rachel and Sherry. Rachel is in the perceived ideal relationship with Brian, but the relationship has problems. Rachel brought their company out of scandal. She also runs around being superwoman, while he does, what seems to be nothing. One thing, which stood out, was Rachel feels that she can handle her marriage is because of her office husband. She seems to confide in him more than her husband. 

Sherry, is in a relationship, with Dwight, but not much is known about Dwight. She had to change her behavior and attitude to make room for Dwight. Sherry used a relationship guru to work on her. She recommends Dr. Reed to help Debra out in her funk. 

One passage, which stood out was the first meeting with Dr. Reed. Dr. Reed told her that men, think of women as a walking vagina, aka the goody box. The Dr is going to help her navigate the forbidden secrets of the goody box. Dr. Reed also said that women give away the goodies, without too much thought, then wonder why men quickly leave after getting it (p. 80). Some men will say or do anything to get into the goody box and then leave after accomplishing the mission. The heart is not involved in the beginning as much as the penis is.

Yet, Debra does think with her vagina first. When Dr. Reed asks Debra to create a list of characteristics she wants in a mate, Debra lists sex first before God. God did not come in until the end. Having a relationship without God as the foundation will result in disaster. The list got longer after she calls Rachel and Rachel definitely has a business mindset.


One way to see if a man wants you or wants sex is to withhold sex. Do not have sex with a man right away. Of course, you do have men, who are willing to wait and still leave, but I digress. Celibacy is a wonderful thing. Back to the book, Dr. Reed also says the goody box has magnetic field, which draws men in. If you give in too quickly to sex, you may not get him emotionally attached to you. Of course

This reminds me of an conversation I had with a former sex partner back in 2005 or 2006. He was only a convenient sex partner, since he stayed within 10 to 15 minutes from me. One day, I was having an issue with the soon-to-be-ex-husband. I am separated. I decided to vent quickly to this man. He told me that he isn't interested in all that. He does not want to know about my problems or issues. He just wanted sex. Even though, he made this comment, which upset me, I still had sex with him. The comment changed my attitude and behavior towards men. I was more closed off. I did not want to share anything with them. If all I am is sex, then I should not get emotionally involved.

Other things I liked in the book:

1. Dr. Reed said to know what you want before getting into a relationship (p. 82)
2. If something isn't working, then change how you handle the situation. Doing the same things over and over again is insane. 
3. Write a list of characteristics or traits you want in a relationship. Be specific, not vague, not generic. Then, provide the why each trait is important. Also list if the trait is a deal breaker or not. For example, Dr. Reed said, if you want a man, who loves God. Does that mean he attends church weekly or just major holidays? Is he actively involved in several ministries or just acknowledges a superior being exists? (p. 84). 

Excerpt (copied from media kit)

Chapter 1

For the Love of Vincent

Sunday-morning service stirred Debra Hampton’s heart. The poignant message convinced her to resolve a matter that had her torn for almost a year. She had been undecided about whether to marry her live-in boyfriend, Vincent. He didn’t share her religious beliefs and refused to go with her to church, but she knew that he was the best man for her.

He laughed at her silly antics, talked with her about her ambitions and encouraged her to greatness. He made her the focal point of his life and involved her in every decision no matter how minute. But it was his touch that held her hostage, kept her toying with God’s love by giving herself to a man who was not her husband. With her head bowed to hide the free-flowing tears, she exited the church without speaking to anyone. 

She sat in her Mercedes S550, took a moment to freshen her makeup, expelled a sigh of relief. She looked to Heaven through the panorama sunroof, smiled, closed her eyes, gave thanks. The decision to accept Vincent’s proposal resonated; filled her with peace as she trusted the Lord with her soul mate.
The thirty-minute drive from the inner-city church to her suburban home gave her ample time to reflect upon the life they would build together: three children, business partnership and unlimited mind-blowing sex. The rush of blood to her southern bell—the name her mother called her vagina when she was a child—gave her pause. Fortunately, she was stopped at a red light. She clicked through the Sirius Satellite stations and then opted to enjoy tunes Vincent had downloaded to her iPod a few nights prior.

As she turned into Creekwood Estates—a lavish community north of Dayton—she admired the mansion-sized homes set hundreds of feet from the street. Manicured lawns featured rows of exotic trees, shrubbery and blooming flowers. Cobblestone driveways boasted luxury cars and backyards had customized gym sets or in-ground pools. Her stucco and brick palatial home was small in comparison to those of her neighbors, but it was big enough for her family-to-be. She loved the side-entry, three-car garage because it camouflaged the unpacked moving boxes from passersby. She parked in the usual spot—closest to the mudroom door—and then she smiled wide. “He’s home.” 

Debra grabbed her purse and Bible and then jaunted into the house. She placed her belongings on the granite countertop, careful not to make noise. Since the television wasn’t locked on a sporting event, Vincent had to be resting in the master suite. A 3,500-square-foot home and he preferred the family room and bedroom. She slipped off her stilettos, tiptoed up the stairs. Her heart beat faster with each step. She wiped her palms together to dry the sweaty moisture, pressed her ear to the door. His subtle snores seeped through. She giggled and then covered her mouth to halt the escape of more laughter.

She opened the door, peeked in, swung it wide. “Vincent! What the devil?” “Debra, what are you doing here?” After a quick dismount, he rummaged the floor for his Fruit of the Looms. “When’d you get home?” “Who is this woman and why is she in my bed?” She ran to the side of the bed, towered
over her betrayer. Breath stalled in her throat, eyes widened. “Catherine!” Catherine—the first person to welcome Debra to the neighborhood—reached for her clothes, scurried to dress. Debra lunged at her, snatched her by the ponytail, drew back her fist. Just as she connected with Catherine’s right jaw, Vincent grabbed Debra around the waist, pulled her away. She flailed her arms, kicked at his shins, head-butted him in the mouth. When he released her, she pursued Catherine who was halfway down the stairs, underwear in tow.

About the author: (copy was provided from the media kit. )

Valerie J. Lewis Coleman has helped women find relational fulfillment by identifying the four types of male hunters, avoiding seventy percent of men who only want the goody box and winning the heart of Mr. Right-For-You. She explains how she overcame struggles and offers proven techniques to help you get off the crazy cycle of relational demise in her novel The Forbidden Secrets of the Goody Box! 

Visit TheGoodyBoxBook.com for the sequel, prequel and upcoming events! The bestselling author of Blended Families An Anthology, Valerie has helped thousands of families navigate the challenges of child support, visitation, discipline and more. With over twenty years of experience in family and relationships, she has given advice on varying issues including baby-momma drama, defiant children and disapproving in-laws. On her journey to assist others with building strong families, she shares her testimony and provides practical tools to help you stop the stepfamily madness in your home!

Join the mailing list to receive a free e-book. One person will receive a Smashwords code to download the book.

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Buying the book:

The Forbidden Secrets of the Goody Box is 4.99 on Amazon (Kindle) and the paperback is 13.46 You also can order the book on Smashwords and through the website. The Smashwords version is 4.99. 

Emotional Assault: Recognizing an abusive partner's bag of tricks by Lisa Kroulik Book review (Tomoson)

I read by Emotional Assault: Recognizing an Abusive Partner's Bag of Tricks Lisa Kroulik, in exchange for honest review from Tomoson. I chose to read the book because I have been emotionally abused before.


The book starts out with Lisa describing emotional abuse she experienced in a prior relationship. The man appeared nice in the beginning, but his behavior changed. \There were red flags, but Lisa chose to ignore them. The ex would say hurtful things, but Lisa remained silent. She later married him and divorced him (yay).

The book also described tricks, an emotional abuser uses. Tip 1 is the silent treatment. The silent treatment can be used as a method of control. Your partner (whether him or her) will refuse to communicate with you or ignore you when you are around. The tactic is used to get you to drop the issue and apologize, but the problem is still not fully resolved. The silent treatment can cause tension and frustration in relationships.

Other tips include:

• Turning the tables. Turning the issue around to the other person to get the blame off of your partner. What about what you have done?It is a form of manipulation. He or she may even twist your words to fit the situation. 
• Poor me is a tactic a partner uses to think you have deeply hurt him or her. It elicits compassion and sympathy. Other people may feel sorry for you partner as well, making you feel as if you was the one in the wrong.  Details may be altered to elicit more compassion. 
• You're not perfect either. This tactic can be a form of condemnation and manipulation. No one is perfect and we all have flaws. Once again, the focus is off your partner and on to you, especially if yall share the same flaws. For example, he cheated on you. you cheated on  him. but (s)he makes you feel worse. (s)he may not be willing to change, but using you as a scapegoat to continue in their behavior. The tactic also may be used to make you feel more guilty about your actions and prevent problem resolution. 
• Rewriting history. This tactic allows the emotional abuser to go back and change how things really happened. Rewriting history is a form of image control. The makes your partner look good versus bad. Rewriting history is also lying. No truth in his or her statements. It also can be combined with other psychological constructs (justification, projection, and denial, for example). 
• But I'm a really good person. This trick also helps the abuser present his or herself in a good light. The abuser may act offended if you point out their bad behavior. They may also turn the tables on you. He or she may also incorporate the poor me trick to make themselves appear in a different light. 
• You're not very forgiving. This trick allows the abuser to cause you shame and guilt. Your partner may want forgiveness, but wants to continue in their bad behavior. Instead of resolving the issue, once again the tables are turned on you. I am definitely noticing how these tricks can be combined together. Lisa gave the example of how her ex used to say she was holding a grudge, instead of forgiving him. This trick can cause additional emotional hurt/damage. Also may increase repression. You may hold your feelings in because your partner won't be there for you to bring your problems and concerns to. There is a lack of accountability as well. Lisa also discusses how demanding forgiveness is not love. 
• It's all a misunderstanding (and other tricks). The last trick(s) in the book may include: 
• a. your approach is wrong. The example Lisa gave was when her and her ex went to counseling. Her ex did not open up during counseling. When she would get upset, her ex would say her approach was wrong. It is a form of distraction. It is a form of manipulation. 
• animal abuse. 

Lisa also provided effects of a toxic relationship. Some effects included:

• increased stress (mental , physical, psychological, and physiological). 
• repression
• anxiety
• post traumatic stress disorder

Finally, the book provided a section on should I stay or should I go. The decision will not be easy. The author also provides reasons you will hear while making your decision. Some of the reasons, which I have heard before include:

• God hates divorce
• Just keep waiting and praying

I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. The post does contain my affiliate link for Perfect Chaos.

Hidden under her heart by Rachelle Ayala Book Review (Tomoson).

I read Hidden Under Her Heart, in exchange for review from Tomoson. The Book was written by Rachelle Ayala and Published by Rachelle Ayala, LLC. I received an electronic copy of the book.

About the book: (copied from Tomoson)
Maryanne Torres is a compassionate nurse who fails at relationships. After a string of losers, she swears off premarital sex, hoping to land a marrying type of man. Lucas Knight, a law-school dropout, moves to California to train for the Ironman Triathlon. He's smart, sweet, and everything Maryanne wants in a man, but their relationship suffers from his dedication to the sport. Seeking consolation in the arms of a handsome preacher's son, Maryanne attends a church party where she is raped. Maryanne is pregnant from the rape and plans to abort. But the identity of her rapist is hidden in her baby's DNA. Lucas asks Maryanne to seek alternatives and pledges to support her through the pregnancy. When Lucas becomes the prime suspect, Maryanne must clear his name and make a life changing decision. The rapist has other ideas. In order to destroy the evidence, he offers Maryanne an illegal offshore abortion. With Maryanne's life in danger, Lucas races to save her and her baby. However, Maryanne hides a secret that threatens to tear them apart forever. A 99,000-word women's fiction, HIDDEN UNDER HER HEART deals with the consequences of rape and abortion. [Content Advisory: This book has a pro-life slant. There are a few swear words. The rape is not shown, but there is one mild sex scene between Maryanne and her boyfriend.]

My review:
The book starts off with Maryanne, a latina,  a nurse in an allergy clinic, giving Lucas, African-American,  shots. Lucas is being a big baby and the relationship had not started yet. Maryanne is currently abstinent until marriage (which I loved, since I am celibate). Maryanne and another co-worker has a bet in progress. Whoever has sex first, buys the other a three day weekend at a spa (wish I had a friend like that lol. I will win). Lucas likes Maryanne, but Maryanne shows little to no interest at first, even though he is tempting. Lucas is an athlete, with an interesting mother and sister. Mama Lucas is a trip. The couple (Maryanne and Lucas eventually went on a date in the park, which led to a kiss, but no sex). They became boyfriend and girlfriend, and then broke up. This takes care of the first few chapters. There is tension from Lucas's family about him dating outside of his race.

Enter Ryan, pastor's son, who is also interested in Maryanne. Ryan invited Maryanne to a party at his parent's house, where Maryanne was drugged and raped. That scene was powerful. Maryanne was dazed and confused. One minute she was playing a game, tipsy, maybe drunk,  and the next, in a dumpster. Maryanne barely remembers the party. That's when the book went from light to heavy reading. I wanted to know who raped her, his location, and the nearest weapon in the room. Anyway, the people at the party is trying to blame Lucas for the drugging and rape. Maryanne's father wants her to have an abortion,

The book was a good read. I have read and reviewed Ayala's work before, so I knew the book would be good. The book was light reading in the beginning, but progressed to heavy reading. The book also flowed well. It had a lot of intense scenes, from Lucas trying to get MaryAnne to go home from the party, to the infamous video, to Maryanne's father showing up at her house.

Social Media:

http://www.rachelleayala.com

http://www.facebook.com/rachelleayalawriter

I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

A noble groom (book review and giveaway)

I read A Noble Groom, in exchange for review from Litfuse. The book was written by Judy Hedlund and published by Bethany house.

About the book: (COPIED FROM LITFUSE)
Annalisa Werner’s hope for a fairy tale love is over. Her husband failed her in every way and now his death has left her with few options to save the family farm. She needs a plentiful harvest. That, and a husband to help bring it in. Someone strong, dependable. That’ll be enough. A marriage for love…that’s something she’s given up on.

So her father sends a letter to his brother in the Old Country, asking him to find Annalisa a groom.

Then a man appears: Carl Richards, from their home country of Germany and a former schoolteacher–or so he says. He’s looking for work and will serve on the farm until her husband arrives.

With time running out, she accepts his help, but there’s more to this man than he’s admitting. He’s also gentle, kind, charming–unlike any man she’s ever known. But even as Carl is shining light into the darkness of her heart, she knows her true groom may arrive any day.

About the author: (Copied from Litfuse)

Jody Hedlund is an award-winning and bestselling historical fiction author. She won the 2011 Inspirational Reader’s Choice Award, the 2011 Award of Excellence from the Colorado Romance Writers and was a finalist for Best Debut Novel in the 2011 ACFW Carol Awards. Currently she makes her home in central Michigan, with her husband and five busy children. She loves hearing from readers on Facebook and on her blog. Find out more about Jody athttp://jodyhedlund.com/.

My Review:

I chose this book, based on the description. Annalisa has given up on love, but willing to marry for convenience. I have had this thought as well. I am getting older and I have two young kids. Sometimes, I am willing to re-marry for other reasons besides love (like stability and help with the kids). I also have read Hedlund's book, Unending Devotion, in exchange for review from Bethany House. I loved the imagery and scenery in Unending Devotion.

A noble groom is also a historical piece, set in the  late 1800's. The first scene was powerful. Annalisa's husband had stolen her money. Her daughter was also helping her gather nuts for the pending winter. Annalisa had to save all she could, especially with out a stable husband, helping to bring in income. She was angry and frustrated. Her husband, Hans, had a gambling problem. He gambled off their farm profits.  I definitely understood where Annalisa was coming from. A few hundred years ago (sometime in the early 2000's), my ex-husband got laid off. He told me that he did not qualify for unemployment. My check was also being garnished for student loans, so I already had to work more to make up for the missing funds plus still pay bills. I was working 7 days a week to cover all the bills, in addition to borrowing money from family and friends. Found out months later, my ex was collecting an unemployment check, but was not contributing to the household. He left the cash and receipts in his car. I was hurt. I don't know where his money was going or who, but it definitely hurt me.

Annalisa needed a husband to help with the family and the farm. Annalisa went to confront her husband with child in tow, and found her husband dead. (amazing scene). Annalisa's father wanted her to have a new husband to help out.

I don't like you (but can't leave you alone) (my rambling post).

I had two instances, which stood out, where someone told me a group of people did not like me, for whatever reason. A few years ago, 2009, I had just had a miscarriage. My emotions was on a roller coaster. I was in post partum depression, but no one knew about it.  A man, (one-night stand) told me that everyone (one of the social groups I was in/am in) did not like me because I was too sexual (which I was). I was not sure what his intended effect was, but it hurt me more. Normally, this would not bother me because I am an introvert, but my emotions was already messed up. This man didn't know what I was going through mentally and physically, but he felt the need to instant message me. Like, I said, he was a one-night stand. We rarely communicated. The funny part was--at one of the next events--he felt the need to try to strike up a conversation with me and my guest. If you don't like me, leave me alone. Don't pretend when we are around mutual friends and/or family. Don't act like we are like this (++), when we are like this (___________) (That looks like a flat line, don't it :-))

Another incident happened either last year or the year before. A relative told me other relatives did not like me. Now, I am older, wiser, and will take less BS in my life. I am not going to let anyone talk to me any kind of way or do whatever, and not say something back. Yet, the same relatives, who do not like me, come to me, when they need money, computer help, tax help, or something printed out.

The introvert in me, never understood that. If I don't like someone--or Don't want to be bothered--I cut that relationship off. I delete numbers. I remove people from my social media friend lists. I leave them alone. I don't ask them for anything. I don't maintain contact. I don't feel comfortable contacting someone, who I don't like, for whatever reason. I don't like you, but I need you. I can always find someone, even on Craigslist, to complete the task/job/assignment.

For example, my niece, told me she don't want me watching my great niece--for some reason, which had nothing to do with me. Last year, my great-niece crawled down the hallway. Not sure, who was watching her. I was in my room, dealing with my kids, and didn't realize she was in the room, until she bumped her head. She bumped her head and broke a tooth. Some relatives are blaming me for this incident, but not the person, who was supposed to be watching her. I got special needs kids. During meltdown modes, I just don't notice everything. I am trying to calm a kid down. YET, every time I turn around, my great niece has crawled into my room to play OR someone, brings her in here. If you don't want me to watch her, then you will ensure that does not happen. If you don't like me, avoid me. We will be like this (<------- ------->). This is my rambling post. Thought about this for a while, but now I have written it down :-). Have a blessed night.

Simply not interested

I am happily awaiting the day when Boost Mobile gets call block. My phone lets me block people if they send a text first, but not people, who are simply getting on my last nerves. Some days, I pray some people will just send me a text........Anyway, I do have a do not answer contact with a do not answer ringtone. It is not just reserved for men, it is reserved for that annoying magazine company. My bill is current and cheap, but they are trying to get me to increase my payments to more than 4x the current amount to pay it off this year. Nothing wrong with that, but I don't need to be called more than 5x a day, to tell you HELL NO. 30 is a good deal compared to trying to pay 170 for 6 or so months for five mag subscriptions.

Some dude, who I spoke to, once, called me yesterday. I don't remember why I saved his number as do not answer, but it must be good. I don't even know his name because he says it so low. Ronnie, Rondell, Romeo, Rodeo, Ricky, Romere, etc etc etc. He also wants to meet, but I am not feeling that. Maybe that's why I DNA'ed him. This man called after 9 at night, talking about coming over. no, thank you. I got to clean for therapy in the morning and get some sleep. But, why can't i come over for a few minutes. (BECAUSE I DONT KNOW YOU FOOL. I don't know your name. I don't want you around my kids).

Fast forward to another pest: met him on Badoo, talk to him on FB. African, I thinks. Older, but beggy. There is nothing cute about begging unless your last name is Sweat and/or you a 90s R&B solo artist or band member. Hey, Joe, Shazam, G.I, Jodeci, Hi-Five, Troop, Rude boys, and Solo, plus a few others, can beg to me at any time, for the price of a cd, tape, or mp3. Baby won't you just say for a little while longer. Let me be your Pac-Man; full-time lover; part time lover; one life stand; candy girl; Take me back, Im finally back, Don't want to leave, need your love, etc etc

This man wants a relationship. He wants a girlfriend. He is not happy with his job because he has no one to spend money on. He tried to call me on skype when I was not logged in. He sends multiple messages saying the same thing, in a row, when he can't reach me. (If no one answers, Im not home or online.) Hey, Hi, hello, are you there> (if it says message not read yet, then I am not). He is not what I am looking for. Told him so, but he is still persistent, on the verge of annoying.

As you can tell, I am very open about wants and needs. Nothing wrong with persistence and dedication, if you truly want and desire it. But I find something wrong with a woman (or man) being very clear and direct about their wants and needs and no one listens. For example, I don't want any more kids, hence I got fixed. I  am not going to date someone, who wants kids or undecided about having kids. Would not be fair to both parties. Don't ask me out. Don't pursue me. Go for someone, who is more compatible.

Don't try to date the person, who does not want a relationship
Don't try to date the person, who is in a relationship and wants FWBs
Don't try to date the person, who wants kids and you don't
Don't try to date the person, who does not want kids, and you do
Don't try to date the person, who is hesitant about meeting.
Don't try to date the person, if their profile or texts or ims or face to face conversations don't meet your basic needs.

Read my profile Part 2

There is nothing more annoying than when someone asks you a question, which is clearly answered in a profile, whether dating or social or even Google. Someone called me today. Asked me all the wrong questions (right questions, just most of these were answered if he simply read)

 Here are some redundant questions:

1. What's your name? ( Ask that before you call lol)

2. How old are you?

3. Do you have a picture? Plenty of pictures online on every website I am on. Are you telling me you didn't look at any of them?

4. Do you have kids?

5. Do you have a job

6. Do you really have a STD? (Yeah, if I am going to lie, I would lie about being clean and wanting tons of sex. I also want 10 kids and a house in the hills, near the water). 

Another thing, which irritated me was when he asked if I had a FB profile. I said yes. Then, he asked for user name. I said Stacie Wyatt. He said he did not understand. So, I started spelling it out for him. S is for sucks talking to you. T is for trouble. A is for annoying. C is for crazy. I is for ice cream. E is for egg. Then, before I got to my last name, he said he could not find me. WTF? How can you find someone if you a) didnt understand when I said my user name? and B) didn't let me finish spelling it out? Of course you won't find me. Ok, dummy, I can text you my user name or email it to you online. 

Of Course, the call ended short

Anyway, I feel that if I take the time to write a profile, a man should at least read part of it, if not all of it. No point in asking questions, when the answers are online. 

--

amazon.com/author/staciewyatt

Stacie D. Wyatt

Resolve to Love

Resolve to Love 

By Kerry and Chris Shook

Right now, there are three relationships in your life that trouble you. Perhaps a good friend said something to you yesterday. It felt critical, but you’re not sure what she meant. The two of you used to be so close, but lately you’ve been drifting apart. Something’s not right. Oh, and your mother called. There’s that. You know you should return her call, but you haven’t. Why? You know there are things you should have said before, you avoided them, and now you feel it’s too late. It’s always so hard with her. Always messy. And then...your son has been missing. Not missing physically, but he’s been distant, quiet, silent. Missing emotionally. What’s that about? What’s going on in his life? You want to reach out, but he pushes you away. It worries you.

Maybe the relationships in your life aren’t exactly like these, but I’m guessing these remind you of someone close to you, a problem relationship in your life right now. Maybe it’s not your mother but your father, perhaps not your son but a daughter-in-law. It could be your best friend. Whoever it is, he or she is someone who matters to you—or else the relationship wouldn’t trouble you, gnaw at you on the inside, make you question and grumble, or even bring you to tears.

So take a moment and think, who are these three key people in your life? Which meaningful relationships are troubling you? Relationships you wish were closer. Relationships you’d like to be deeper and richer. Relationships that trouble you, bother you, even make you a little crazy right now.

Seriously, think about it. Who are they? And now take a moment to name these three key relationships out loud.

Trust me, this is important for you. In fact, this may be the most significant thing you do in your life right now. Why?

Because life is way too short. At the end of the day—at the end of The Day—in this all-too-short life we share, all that really matters is relationships. Our relationships with the God who created us and with the people we love. Compared to these relationships, the job or career goals we set now aren’t really so important, the ladders we try to climb don’t matter so much, and the objects we long to own and possess seem utterly trivial.

What really counts in the end is that special knowing look you share with your spouse, the arms of your child reaching up to you, or the quiet comfort of a friend who stands by your side in a difficult time.

The award-winning animated movie Up contains some profound truths about relationships. In a breathtaking sequence early in the film, we see the entire arc of the life of Carl, a balloon salesman, as he meets Ellie, falls in love, and gets married. They share a dream to travel to South America and save every penny for their big trip. But there’s something familiar about the way their savings are constantly being used for the urgencies and emergencies of daily life. Before Carl and Ellie know it, they’re in their seventies, and although they have a beautiful marriage, they never realized their dream adventure.

Ellie dies, and Carl is overwhelmed with regret about the trip they never took. In a desperate attempt to escape loneliness and recapture memories of Ellie, Carl attaches a bunch of balloons to his house and sets out for South America! You begin to realize as the movie progresses that this dream trip they were saving for, this object of their future plan together, wasn’t really that important after all. The real adventure was the life they shared along the way.

The same is true for us: the adventure of a lifetime is right in front of us. It’s just cleverly disguised as a familiar face.

Think about the possible loss of the relationship with one of those three people you named. You can’t do anything about death and the physical departure of one of them from this earth. That’s in God’s hands.

But you can do something about your relationship with them in life.

Much of what you’ve been told about relationships is upside down and wrong.

Researchers tell us that a baby sees everything upside down for the first few days of life until the brain can adjust the visual picture to right side up. Most relationships today are stuck in this same infant stage; we tend to see relationships upside down, and our culture only reinforces this view. The concept of love at first sight permeates our music, movies, television, and books. What we learn as children and continue to believe as adults is that a fairy-tale relationship somehow just happens. 

Now, I’m not bashing romance, but meaningful relationships depend on seeing other people as they are and looking at them right side up. Real love—whether romantic love, a close friendship, or a family relationship—happens long after first sight. It shows up as people get to know each other more deeply and often after they work through tough things together. Real love in relationships isn’t a magic act; it’s a journey. When people say, “It was love at first sight,” what they really mean is “I was attracted to that person the first time I saw them.” There is nothing wrong with being infatuated with someone at the start of a relationship. The real question, however, is, do you have a love that is growing stronger and deeper every day?

I don’t believe in love at first sight; I believe in love at last sight. Each of my relationships has the potential to be better the next time we’re together than it was the previous time so that the last time we see each other on this earth we’re closer than ever before.

I’d like you to join me in the Lasting Love Relationship Challenge. The book One Month to Love is the challenge, and you can do it on your own. Just read a chapter each day. There are thirty chapters, they’re short, and you can probably read one a day pretty easily. At the end of each chapter you’ll find the Lasting Love Relationship Challenge, which is designed to help you take the insights from that day and apply them to your key relationships. 

Also you can log on to onemonthtolove.com 

 

 each day to access our personal coaching and get extra encouragement and advice or share your story. Our goal is to come alongside you to help you create the very best relationships possible. Let’s resolve to love this year!

Adapted from One Month to Love  by Kerry and Chris Shook with permission of Multnomah Books, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved.