Invisible Witness by Lisa Kroulik Book Review (Tomoson)

Disclosure: I got this product as part of an advertorial. This post contains Amazon Affiliate links and Images

I reviewed Invisible Witness: How Watching My Father Abuse Others Affected Every Area of My Life, in exchange for honest review from Tomoson. I had previously reviewed Emotional Assault: Recognizing an abusive partners bag of tricks by Kroulik as well.

I wanted to review the book because I have been a victim of domestic and emotional abuse.

I remember my father scratching my mother with a key, until her knees bleed once, while we was in the car at church. I don't remember what she did to retaliate, but my grandma did try to shoot at him later.

In the book, Kroulik discussed her families cycle of abuse. Her father and grandfather was abusive. The book is hard to read at times. Kroulik also discussed the lasting effects of domestic abuse. Domestic abuse does not affect the victim only, but family and friends. Kroulik was never abused by her father, but her mother and two of her siblings was.

For example, Kroulik developed a fear of conflict. She avoided people to avoid disagreements. When I was dating my ex, I kept a lot of things inside because I did not want to get hit again. He did not hit all the time, but certain topics, I tried to avoid. Even now, since we are separated with two kids, I do not feel comfortable completely opening up to him.

The book was a good read. I finished the book in one sitting. The book is available on Amazon in Kindle format.

I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

Emotional Assault: Recognizing an abusive partner's bag of tricks by Lisa Kroulik Book review (Tomoson)

I read by Emotional Assault: Recognizing an Abusive Partner's Bag of Tricks Lisa Kroulik, in exchange for honest review from Tomoson. I chose to read the book because I have been emotionally abused before.


The book starts out with Lisa describing emotional abuse she experienced in a prior relationship. The man appeared nice in the beginning, but his behavior changed. \There were red flags, but Lisa chose to ignore them. The ex would say hurtful things, but Lisa remained silent. She later married him and divorced him (yay).

The book also described tricks, an emotional abuser uses. Tip 1 is the silent treatment. The silent treatment can be used as a method of control. Your partner (whether him or her) will refuse to communicate with you or ignore you when you are around. The tactic is used to get you to drop the issue and apologize, but the problem is still not fully resolved. The silent treatment can cause tension and frustration in relationships.

Other tips include:

• Turning the tables. Turning the issue around to the other person to get the blame off of your partner. What about what you have done?It is a form of manipulation. He or she may even twist your words to fit the situation. 
• Poor me is a tactic a partner uses to think you have deeply hurt him or her. It elicits compassion and sympathy. Other people may feel sorry for you partner as well, making you feel as if you was the one in the wrong.  Details may be altered to elicit more compassion. 
• You're not perfect either. This tactic can be a form of condemnation and manipulation. No one is perfect and we all have flaws. Once again, the focus is off your partner and on to you, especially if yall share the same flaws. For example, he cheated on you. you cheated on  him. but (s)he makes you feel worse. (s)he may not be willing to change, but using you as a scapegoat to continue in their behavior. The tactic also may be used to make you feel more guilty about your actions and prevent problem resolution. 
• Rewriting history. This tactic allows the emotional abuser to go back and change how things really happened. Rewriting history is a form of image control. The makes your partner look good versus bad. Rewriting history is also lying. No truth in his or her statements. It also can be combined with other psychological constructs (justification, projection, and denial, for example). 
• But I'm a really good person. This trick also helps the abuser present his or herself in a good light. The abuser may act offended if you point out their bad behavior. They may also turn the tables on you. He or she may also incorporate the poor me trick to make themselves appear in a different light. 
• You're not very forgiving. This trick allows the abuser to cause you shame and guilt. Your partner may want forgiveness, but wants to continue in their bad behavior. Instead of resolving the issue, once again the tables are turned on you. I am definitely noticing how these tricks can be combined together. Lisa gave the example of how her ex used to say she was holding a grudge, instead of forgiving him. This trick can cause additional emotional hurt/damage. Also may increase repression. You may hold your feelings in because your partner won't be there for you to bring your problems and concerns to. There is a lack of accountability as well. Lisa also discusses how demanding forgiveness is not love. 
• It's all a misunderstanding (and other tricks). The last trick(s) in the book may include: 
• a. your approach is wrong. The example Lisa gave was when her and her ex went to counseling. Her ex did not open up during counseling. When she would get upset, her ex would say her approach was wrong. It is a form of distraction. It is a form of manipulation. 
• animal abuse. 

Lisa also provided effects of a toxic relationship. Some effects included:

• increased stress (mental , physical, psychological, and physiological). 
• repression
• anxiety
• post traumatic stress disorder

Finally, the book provided a section on should I stay or should I go. The decision will not be easy. The author also provides reasons you will hear while making your decision. Some of the reasons, which I have heard before include:

• God hates divorce
• Just keep waiting and praying

I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. The post does contain my affiliate link for Perfect Chaos.

Not Quite Healed Book Review and Blog Tour

I read Not Quite Healed, by Cecil Murphey and Gary Roe, in exchange for review from Litfuse. The book was published by Kregel Publications, another review site I am on. The book touches on a sensitive topic: male survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

The authors were both victims of childhood sexual abuse. The authors want to help people seek the healing needed. The book is written from a Christian perspective.

My Review:

I have never been sexually abused as a child. I am not a male. I have had problems with sexuality and abusing God's purpose of sex. I chose this book because of the topic it focused on. I have read books written to males to help overcome sexual issues (Clean by Douglass Weiss, for example).

To me, the book took on a different approach than other books I read. The first chapter deals with Shouldn't I be healed by now? The author discusses even though the abuse happened over 20 years ago, he still is not fully healed. He still has issues, he is working on and working through. I liked the honesty in the first few pages. Somethings, in life, we still have remnants, which are lingering behind.

Another passage, which stood out, was first, we need to realize our sexuality involves our total selves-mind, body, emotions, and spirit. God created us that way, and sexuality is a powerful force in our lives for good or for evil (p. 9)

Chapter 2 focused on Why am I still not healed? healing isnt an easy process. healing isnt quick. the authors also discussed how people look to others to fulfill unmet needs. people seek healing from others, but are left disappointed. We look to people for acceptance and love, but sometimes we do not receive it back in the way, we like, still being disappointed. People need to seek God and put God first.

The book presents 40 short chapters ranging from forgiveness, flashbacks, compassion, accountability, responsibility, emotions, pornography, and acceptance.

Some things I learned:

• We can use pain for good and learn from it. We can help others, who have gone or going through it. OR we can take the pain and let it define our total behavior and attitude(p. 17).
  
• Healing is a journey, not a quick trip (p. 18). 
• Humans need affection. We will seek it out, even if it's coming from the wrong source. 
• All actions are not evil, but the motives behind the actions can be. 
• People have a need to be protected, a need to feel safe. 
• To heal, we must be willing to peel back the deep layers of ourselves. Staying at surface level will not bring us acceptance. 
• Abuse does not affect individuals only, it affects families and relationships. It can affect intimacy as well (p. 53). 
• Be honest and open, when you are healing from pain. Name your pain. Call out your pain by it's name. If you are dealing with abuse, say abuse. If you are dealing with a porn addiction, say it. Trying to subdue it (if that's the right word to use) or minimize it, seems like denial, lying, or ignorance (p. 55). 
• God is there for us for strength, grace, mercy, and love. If we fail in our progress, confess your sins and ask for forgiveness. 


The book is a great read. Each author discusses how the abuse affected him. The book denotes Cecil or Gary, when they are talking, so you won't get confused. I love the honesty of Not Quite Healed. The book does provide practical knowledge, which can be applied to anyone going through pain and who desire healing. 

About Cecil Murphey: (from Litfuse)

• Cecil Murphey has written and coauthored more than 100 books, including the autobiography of Franklin Graham. 
• Murphey speaks on writing, caregiving, sexual abuse, and recovery. 
• He previously served as pastor of Riverdale Presbyterian Church in the Metropolitan Atlanta Area. 
• Cecil also worked as a volunteer hospital chaplain and was a missionary in Kenya for six years. 

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Scarred Love Book Review and Tour

I read Scarred Love, in exchange for review from Reading Addiction Blog Tours. The book was written by M.S. Brannon. 

About the Book: (copied from Reading Addiction Blog Tours)
Darcie Claiborne spent several years of her young life living with a monster, always fearing what he would do next. Clasping onto her last ounce of hope, Darcie releases a scream. It’s her final attempt to live; to survive the villain of her reality. Sweeping her up in his arms, Darcie’s knight in shining armor rescues her from the hell she’s been living; from the stepfather she's feared for all those years.

Reggie Evans has been forced to grow up before he’s ready when his mother dies of an overdose, leaving him responsible to raise his younger brothers. One fateful night, Reggie jogs by an old, run down house and discovers a young girl clinging to life as she screams for help.

Three years later, Darcie is healing and always protected by the man who saved her, but now she's fighting with something she isn't prepared to face. The growing love for the man who saved her life three years ago, the same man who’s nine years older. All the while, Reggie fights to protect Darcie from the demons of her past and new ones of her present.
Excerpt: (from media kit. copied). 

Darcie ~ Age 12
“Darcie, your stepfather does these things because you refuse to listen to anything I tell you,” my mom says while swallowing a handful of pills with her glass of red wine. “Just stay out of his way, be in your room when he’s home and it will give him less of a reason to punish you.” I’ve been putting up with Robert’s punishments for eight years and I’ve come to the conclusion that I will never escape them until I leave. My mom takes pills and drinks from her bottle of wine several times a day. When she’s not drinking or downing pills, she’s sleeping. I despise my mother. She’s weak and I fucking hate her. She tells me I deserve punishments and she’s probably right, but what she’s neglected to tell me is why she allows him to do it. I barely remember what our life was like before Robert Stein, but I know it was never this horrible. We managed  o have fun and I never lived in fear. Why did she let Robert change her? Isn’t a mother supposed to protect their child? Once a child is born, isn’t their mother expected to possess this sixth sense, that same kind of sense that can allow women to lift cars off their children? My thoughts fade as soon as she squeezes the ointment on her finger and rubs it onto the fresh cigar burns on my back and thighs. Robert never gave me a reason why he did it other than he couldn’t find his ashtray.

My Review:

I wanted to review this book because I have been physically and emotionally abused by my ex. This was a sensitive topic for me and I wanted to do the book review justice. Darcie was abused and beaten by her step-father as a child. The opening scene was pretty graphic. Not for the faint of heart. It will also break your heart. She wants the beatings to stop. She desires death to end the pain. She is screaming inside. Her mother is dead and her father wants her to perform her mother's former duties. She does find salvation and the book fast forwards to three years later. 

The book was a good read. Like I said, some scenes were hard to take, and will break your heart. The book also moved at a decent pace. 

About the Author:(copied from RABT)
M.S. Brannon was born and raised in the Midwest. She still resides there today with her wonderful husband and son. When she is not writing or reading, M.S. Brannon spends time with her family, watching movies, and discovering new music. She writes romance because she believes love and heartache is the rawest emotion one can experience.

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