A year of new old firsts

 

2021: Just when you thought 2020 was interesting, meet 2021. A lot of things, have happened-some of which, I'm not ready to talk about, just yet. The past few months, things have gotten back to pre-covid, sort of normal. Some things--I needed other people to remind me to do again because I got used to not doing them--if that makes sense. 

The Laundry Room

First, I thought I could use the laundry room again. My case manager assigned me a task to wash my bigger blankets in the laundry room. Last year, I had to stop using the laundry room because both of my kids would run off, while I am loading up clothes. Since the laundry rooms are in  the middle of  parking lots, this is not a good idea, so I stopped going. My apartment is within a few minutes walk of three laundry rooms. 

but first, I needed a new laundry card. I let a neighbor use, my old card, and never got it back. Since I wasn't able to use the facilities, I wasn't too worried about asking for it back. I also been noticing the laundry room, I mostly used, has not been opened lately. I walked to the office to get a new card and was told, the machine did not have any cards. I had to wait for a new shipment to arrive. 

I showed up again to ask about the cards and was told, the office is not ordering any new cards because of the sale of the complex. The staff also said they are not fixing any broke machines and some laundry rooms are permanently closed.  We do not have to officially move until October 2022. How are residents supposed to do laundry? I have a portable washer (Thank you very much to the lovely lady, who helped me get one), but it only washes bigger items. 

The spin side is too small for my bigger comforters. I guess they will be air-dried or I will use SudShare to launder them, when I have extra monies. Still can't find anyone, who knows how to fix the belts on my portable dryer. Maybe if I can get a job, I can just buy a new one. 

The Walk Back to Kalen's School

I thought about this post, after taking my first bus ride and walk back to Kalen's school to drop off medication. I have been using my mom or niece or a rideshare to take me, since the covid-times began. I gave up riding the bus, also during the pandemic because of my oldest's eloping issues. I definitely was tired of chasing him; pulling him back from running into the road; and having police involvement. 

The nurse needed meds. My oldest was not with me. My youngest was at school. 10 minute bus ride. 15-20 minute walk. Sonic, McDonalds, Burger King, and Wendy's are in the area so I can grab me some food, on the way back to the bus stop. I checked the bus app to see how many tickets, I had left, and hopped the bus. 

The walk back felt different but some things remained the same. No sidewalks. No bus stop on the other side of the highway, so I don't have to navigate across the highway.  I have been living in Greenspoint since 2018. I guess everything will change after Kalen goes to intermediate. 😂😂😂

Had to navigate around water, vehicles, and mud. The bridge from the bus stop, to the highway and school-also was wider and had new decorative pieces though. Finally, the bus stop needs seating, especially when I have waited up to an hour, to go back home, in the past. If you miss it, then you just have to stand and wait or sit on the ground. Maybe bring a folding chair with you (Good idea Stacie).

The Walk Back to McDonalds and Other Food Places

A Facebook Friend (Thank you Rain) reminded me, I can walk to Mcdonalds again. I haven't walked to McDonalds, in a while, because it is also an Autism trap. Don't need kids running off, while we wait to cross the highway. I can get some breakfast, after I put Kalen on the bus. I also have started walking back to Family Dollar; the local, non-cheap grocery store; plus the Jack in the Box and McDonalds near the mall, for the first time. 

I thought the walk would take longer, but it took as long as walking to the highway McDonalds, which opened up new possibilities for me, if I wanted to walk to other stores and restaurants versus calling Uber Eats or Grubhub or Postmates. I have ordered many times from Montereys and Pollo Campero, over the years. Maybe I could get a part-time job in the area, provided the job offers flexible scheduling. I even walked home from the doctor, the other day, because I didn't feel like riding 2 busses, with a stop or two, to the .99 and Jack in the Box. 

Riding the Bus again

I started back riding the bus again, even with kids. Brad even crossed the scary bridge to get to church, without walking off. I have done, a few focus groups, around Houston, to earn extra income. The pandemic has taught me, I need people. I may be an introvert but I need to socialize with other humans, besides my kids. Nothing like staying at home with semi-verbal kids, for 10 days, with no one else to talk to, besides people on the internet. I hope a shut down never happens again, but glad I have access to the crisis line. 

2 Services at Church

I was happy when special needs re-opened back up, at church, last year, but we could only attend one service to allow more kids to attend. I love virtual Sunday School but there are more distractions at home--kids, kicking the walls and doors; asking for snacks; crawling all over me; kicking me in the face and neck. This year, we could attend both services, in person again. YAYYAYAYAYAYYAY. I was happy to see my people. Of course, I had a few setbacks and haven't been able to attend like I wanted to. Rain is a hinderance because I use a wagon for Kalen and he doesn't like rain on his head. Both me and Kalen had cold and congestion, which took us out for 2 weeks. Don't want to get other people sick. 

Other Firsts:

• Completed a customer service experience trainee program through ClimbHire. ClimbHire will also help me get a job. 
• Completed a healthy families virtual class through Avance Frameworks. They gave some nice incentives for completion. 
• Of course, I was diagnosed with depression, in August, and now taking Trazodone and Lexapro.

Thank you and have a blessed day

6 months

 Disclaimer: This post contains Amazon Affiliate Links. 

It has been officially 6 months, since the kids have been in a school setting. March 6, they was supposed to leave Friday for Spring Break and return within a week. I was happy because for the first time, since I was a kid, my birthday (March 19) did not fall on Spring Break. I didn't know how I would celebrate, maybe I could convince my mother to take me out to eat that week, but I was going to celebrate my 40th, somehow. 

I didn't expect 6 months of nonsense and bullshit to follow. My oldest's behavior started escalating, the day, he realized, he was supposed to go back to school. My youngest's night owl side came out more. By the time, one kid goes to sleep, it would be soon before the other child woke up (and who knew which time, my oldest would wake up, but when he woke up, he definitely let everyone know. It has gotten so bad, I am paranoid and filled with anxiety, when I wake up, in the middle of the night, before he does, because he can sense when I am woke, and the drama begins. I am lonely. I am depressed. I can't live, like this, for another 6 months. I spend most of my mornings, trying to calm Brad down and still have to remember to log in to Kalen's school for attendance plus do an assignment. 

My life is pathetic. Who wants to wake up to a kid, destroying their home and furniture? Who wants to hide all their can goods, sharps, and pantry items, in the closet versus the kitchen? Who wants to constantly beg to God for all of this stop? the hitting and kicking of walls, doors, ceilings, and windows; the waking up at all hours of the night; the worrying about if my lease will be renewed in a few months; a child hellbent on destroying what little we have.  I know people don't want to hear all this but I need to vent somewhere. I have definitely drunk more wine coolers and other liquor, plus a lot of snacks, during this mess. Cried too many tears daily and I hate crying.

Fuck this shit. I am exhausted. I am burnt out. I am mentally drained. I have looked into group home again, but no one wants to touch Autism. I have looked into hospitals for stabilization, but none want to touch Autism. So what in the fuck am I supposed to do? I know God is in the works somewhere. In his timing, things will work out one day, hopefully, but his timing is not bringing me complete peace, right now. I need relief. I need sleep. I need a break, other than grocery and pharmacy runs. My mother has started taking me out to eat more to get me out of this house. I can do so much more if the kids left the house: closet needs organization; clothes need organization; books need organization; kitchen pantry needs organization; under my bed needs organization; 

Only thing, which works, is 

In 6 months, I have experienced: 

• I have learned how to make a simple cheese using dry buttermilk powder and lemon juice. The video used regular milk/buttermilk but I can't keep regular liquid milk in the house because one of my kids will pour it down the drain. 
• I been working on de-cluttering, my house, slowly. I got rid of a lot of kitchen utensils and jars, I do not use; some old clothes (still got a ways to go on clothes); and other random household stuff. I re-organized the living room. I cleaned off a lot of junk off my desk area. I organized my spare cords bin. I made small progress in the closet. I removed a lot of junk from under the bed. 
• My niece helped me make homemade ice cream. I bought the ingredients but she took over. It tasted good. It was a cookie butter cheese cake recipe. 
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• I have made a stress putty, based on a video, I saw on Youtube. 
• I fixed my first big hole in the wall with sheet rock versus a patch. Thank you Rodney. 
• I fixed another small hole without any patches, to see if I could do it, based on a Youtube Video.
• Someone helped me out, big time, by telling me how to get my portable dryer to work again for a little while.  

• Brad broke the plug by pulling the dryer from the wall, last year. (belt keeps falling off now. Ms. Williams told me that the dryer would still work without the ground plug. It did. I definitely prayed before I used the dryer, just to be on the safe side. The person, who fixed the plug eventually, told me to watch videos on Youtube to learn how to put the belt back on. )

• Someone helped me get a portable washer. I had to outsource all of my laundry to my niece. My kids don't behave well, walking to and from the laundry rooms. Last time, I tried, Brad tried to run off, while Kalen refused to move off the ground, when I was trying to take the loads back into the house. 
• I made Kalen, a play stove (well multiple play stoves, along with a cabinet and fridge) because he kept breaking the ones, I got from Amazon. He has since upgraded by ordering, without a single person's permission,  a Step 2 big kitchen set, using both a gift card, I won from a social media conference, and my mama's credit card. 
• Even though I wasn't sure about keeping or returning it, Kalen definitely needed it versus just a stove. His skill set and words has improved. He does think the microwave is a fridge (we don't have a microwave because of Brad's lack of safety skills) and the Keurig (yep, it has a Keurig built-in) is an ice maker (no clue where he saw an ice maker at). The pods are ice. 
• He  pulled out all the food and accessories from all 4 stove/kitchen sets and applied them to the big set. 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• My basic bread recipe also works as a tortilla too. I probably wont make them again, for a while, because it takes too long to roll out and individually cook. 

 

 But I have also experienced;

• Brad putting new holes in the wall. What pissed me off more was someone helped me fix four holes, in the walls, with sheet rock versus patches. Brad put new holes in the walls, including 2 in the new sheet rock. 
• Brad started back sitting in my bed, and eventually laying in my bed. I do not want him in my bed because he breaks beds: frames and mattresses. I like my mattress. I like my frame (got a heavy duty, platform bed, with rounded corners, years ago). Brad can break my bunkie board though. I did catch him jumping in my bed, one day. No slats means no support. I do not want my bed directly on the floor. 
• Brad waking up between 2 am to 7 am, in the mornings. He goes straight from waking up to either the bathroom to pee OR to the door, windows, and walls to hit and kick. 
• The stove hood has been knocked down, partially, and I had to re-screw it back in place, multiple times. One of the last times, it hit me in the head, while I was trying to hold it up and screw in a back screw. 
• I had to flip all my sofas over to keep Brad from standing on them to hit the ceiling. 

• Brad broke his iPad, his teacher gave him as a graduation gift. Brad broke a sofa plus a few chairs. Brad knocked some of the texture off the ceiling. I tried experimenting with popcorn texture to fix it, but haven't got the hang of it yet. 
• Kalen broke the TV. Of course, Brad now wants to play his game (Vtech Innotv) that he barely played all year. 
• Kalen wants to stay up all night, despite Melatonin in his system. Baths and lavender lotion also works. I took a break from the baths and lotion, after he got his heart monitor removed, earlier this year, but haven't got the routine back yet. He was unable to take a bath for a week or two, but I could wipe him down. 
• One of the kids broke my crock pot bowl. 
• Kalen broke my laptop, I just got in September. He cracked the screen, making it lose its touch screen capabilities, then started removing keys. Had to wait weeks until Best Buy and Geek Squad opened to invoke the power of the warranty. Had to wait another few weeks for repair and the text, which said pc cant be repaired. Get a new pc. 

• Had to use my old pc until the newer one got repaired. HP #1 sucks but it definitely let me still talk to people and do reviews, when it wasn't crashing. 

• Brad broke my phone. Felt sorry for him since he had no TV and no Ipad. He bent the pins within two weeks. Luckily, a friend sent me some money and I was able to get a new phone. 
• Brad broke my dining table, I was going to use for speech therapy and in-home appointments with coordinators (I really wanted a nice table and chairs, which didn't come from the dumpster, but can't have that either). 
• Brad put holes in the back of the dresser, I moved their winter clothes to. 

I wish I had the funds to get some land and a tiny house. I wish-listed a few on Amazon. I would make a few modifications but having my own place without worrying about if the lease will be renewed because of Brad's behavior, would help a lot. The house below is one of my favorites. I would make the living room smaller and incorporate a bigger, walk-in closet for clothes, pantry items, and tools. The master bedroom would also have a door to the bathroom. I also thought about turning the other bedroom into a sensory room with rubber walls. No popcorn ceilings. Heavy duty doors. Brick walls. Side by side fridge. No dishwasher. Fenced in front and back yard so they can run and play.