Disclaimer: I was provided this book in exchange for honest review. All opinions are my own. No other compensation was provided.
I received
Expecting with Hope
in exchange for honest review from Kregel Blog Tours. I wanted to read the book because it touched me personally. The book was written by Teske Drake.
I had Brad Jr. in 2000. I did not get pregnant again until the ex and I separated in 2005. I was in pain for weeks. It took me longer to get around because of severe body pain. I thought it was my fibroids acting up. Toss in a few outbreaks, tummy aches, and headaches. I was done for. Pain medications was not working.
I went to the ER and found out I was pregnant. I lost the baby at 4 months. The pain won. I did not experience grief, at first, because the pain was finally gone. Having the first miscarry was a horrible experience. I woke up in more pain, thought it was indigestion. The mucus plug dropped in the toilet, while I was hoping for a bowel movement. I went to the ER alone. The hospital staff was not helpful. I had to plead for them to change my sheets. Someone left the baby in a jar on the counter in my view. Even without glasses, I could see the jar and the fetus inside. I never wanted to experience another miscarriage again.
Grief came later. I got a letter in the mail from the OB/GYN. The letter was not needed. The letter told me the weight and other information about the baby, including the gender. I did not want a girl, but still I did not need to know after she passed.
Fast forward to 2009 and I found out I was pregnant. I was about 4 weeks along. Once again, I was in pain and went to the ER. The doctor told me I was at high risk for another miscarriage. I was devastated again. I lost the baby 3 days after finding out. I experienced grief immediately. I was in the hospital alone again. I never wanted to experience this pain again.
Kalen was my miracle baby. I found out I was pregnant about 5 months. I had got my annual woman check up a few months prior and I was told I was not pregnant. I was about 2 months along when I went. I went to the Bahamas, shortly after the check up, and drunk liquor. I don't remember my cycle stopping. I had no idea I was pregnant, until I felt some kicking pains. It was Kalen. I did not get insurance until 8 months. Medicaid moved so slow. I applied a few times before I was approved.
I am 30 years old, 5 months preggie, and no insurance. I went into hermit, more introverted mode. I did not want to be bothered. I didn't need the stress and I will kill someone, if I had to experience another miscarriage. Kalen came out healthy with 12 fingers. He also had a strange birthmark over his heart, which looked like a bullet, ricocheting out into a star pattern. I tied my tubes 30 days later. I hate labor and delivery, but I hate miscarriages more. I never want to experience the pain, the aloneness again. Miscarriages does something to your psyche.
I did this piece of artwork, when I was pregnant with Kalen. This is a memorial piece to my living kid and my kids, who never lived outside the womb. I did not know the sex of the second miscarry.
Book Review
The back of the book, first line,
It takes a lot of courage to pick up this book. It takes a lot of courage to read and review this book. The book teaches about finding joy in pregnancy after a miscarry, a stillbirth, or infant loss.
I am not sure how I found my joy when I was pregnant with Kalen. I knew I did not want another miscarry. I did not have the mental capacity to handle another loss, which is why I am so protective of him now. Kalen has Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, Global Development Delays, and Static Encephalopathy. Static Encephalopathy simply means breath holding spells.
When Kalen gets agitated, he goes into silent cries and then passes out. The disorder affects his brain and heart. He visits his neurologist and cardiologist every 6 months. If the frequency of attacks increase, Kalen will get another 24 hour holter. If they continue, he will have surgery to install a temporary, 3-year heart monitor, which has high risks.
I face fear and worry when it comes to him on a regular basis. He had a spell yesterday. His brother took something away from him. He came back to in seconds, but what if it was never.
The book discusses how God has a purpose in everything. I learned from the two miscarries, not to have sex with just any man. Just any man is not going to be there for you when you are going through something. I learned from miscarry #2 to have sex less. #2 helped start my journey into celibacy. I know that if my baby girl had lived, Kalen would not be born. I don't see myself with a houseful of kids, definitely not 4.
I also appreciate both of my kids more. Getting to do the things, I missed with Brad because I worked, I went to school, or when his father had primary custody for 5 years. I also had so much peace during pregnancy with Kalen because I did not bother with anyone. I was not having sex. I stayed at home.
One thing, which stood out the most was on page 27:
You don't have to know what the future looks like because you can trust in the one who's ordained it. This requires faith and obedience to God.
You can purchase the book on
Amazon in Paperback and kindle format. The paperback is prime-eligible. This week the book is on sale for 2.99 in Kindle format. The sale ends on Nov 9th, 2014 (Brad birthday)
.
for honest review from Kregel Publications. I received a hardback copy of the book. The book was written by Karen Williamson and illustrated by Christine Tappin.
