I read Not Quite Healed, by Cecil Murphey and Gary Roe, in exchange for review from Litfuse. The book was published by Kregel Publications, another review site I am on. The book touches on a sensitive topic: male survivors of childhood sexual abuse.The authors were both victims of childhood sexual abuse. The authors want to help people seek the healing needed. The book is written from a Christian perspective.
My Review:
I have never been sexually abused as a child. I am not a male. I have had problems with sexuality and abusing God's purpose of sex. I chose this book because of the topic it focused on. I have read books written to males to help overcome sexual issues (Clean by Douglass Weiss, for example).To me, the book took on a different approach than other books I read. The first chapter deals with Shouldn't I be healed by now? The author discusses even though the abuse happened over 20 years ago, he still is not fully healed. He still has issues, he is working on and working through. I liked the honesty in the first few pages. Somethings, in life, we still have remnants, which are lingering behind.
Another passage, which stood out, was first, we need to realize our sexuality involves our total selves-mind, body, emotions, and spirit. God created us that way, and sexuality is a powerful force in our lives for good or for evil (p. 9)
Chapter 2 focused on Why am I still not healed? healing isnt an easy process. healing isnt quick. the authors also discussed how people look to others to fulfill unmet needs. people seek healing from others, but are left disappointed. We look to people for acceptance and love, but sometimes we do not receive it back in the way, we like, still being disappointed. People need to seek God and put God first.
The book presents 40 short chapters ranging from forgiveness, flashbacks, compassion, accountability, responsibility, emotions, pornography, and acceptance.
Some things I learned:
- We can use pain for good and learn from it. We can help others, who have gone or going through it. OR we can take the pain and let it define our total behavior and attitude(p. 17).
- Healing is a journey, not a quick trip (p. 18).
- Humans need affection. We will seek it out, even if it's coming from the wrong source.
- All actions are not evil, but the motives behind the actions can be.
- People have a need to be protected, a need to feel safe.
- To heal, we must be willing to peel back the deep layers of ourselves. Staying at surface level will not bring us acceptance.
- Abuse does not affect individuals only, it affects families and relationships. It can affect intimacy as well (p. 53).
- Be honest and open, when you are healing from pain. Name your pain. Call out your pain by it's name. If you are dealing with abuse, say abuse. If you are dealing with a porn addiction, say it. Trying to subdue it (if that's the right word to use) or minimize it, seems like denial, lying, or ignorance (p. 55).
- God is there for us for strength, grace, mercy, and love. If we fail in our progress, confess your sins and ask for forgiveness.
The book is a great read. Each author discusses how the abuse affected him. The book denotes Cecil or Gary, when they are talking, so you won't get confused. I love the honesty of Not Quite Healed. The book does provide practical knowledge, which can be applied to anyone going through pain and who desire healing.
About Cecil Murphey: (from Litfuse)
- Cecil Murphey has written and coauthored more than 100 books, including the autobiography of Franklin Graham.
- Murphey speaks on writing, caregiving, sexual abuse, and recovery.
- He previously served as pastor of Riverdale Presbyterian Church in the Metropolitan Atlanta Area.
- Cecil also worked as a volunteer hospital chaplain and was a missionary in Kenya for six years.
