Why was I blessed with two special needs children?

Why Was I blessed with two special needs children:

I been asking myself this question, since Brad was diagnosed. Why was I chosen to handle this task. I thought again about this question in church today, while Dr. Walter Larimore was speaking. I was not blessed with two normal kids or 1 normal and 1 special needs kids. I was blessed with a 12 year old, Autistic, ADHD, sensory issues, currently pre-pubescent child. I was also blessed with a 20 month old, no talking, no walking, fine motor delays child. These are the thoughts I jotted down.

I am not normal.  I do not understand normal people. I am an outcast. I know what it is like to be excluded. I like things in a certain order, in a certain way, at certain times. I don't like extra disruptions (maybe I got ADHD too). My mind wanders through millions of thoughts daily. I am a misunderstood, creative soul.

I don't know exactly why God blessed me with my boys. I was the child (and adult), who never thought about having kids. I did not want them, yet I had four pregnancies and two live births. Kids irritated me immensely. Some talk too much. I am a loner, an introvert. Not a people person.

I had to learn to love and protect my babies, despite my non-existent maternal instinct I used to have. In fact, people, who have multiple kids, and seem to have a balance on life, are my heroes. I admire you. Here is my salute.

Dr. Larimore discussed how God gave special parents a gift--which we need to unwrap. We need to love, appreciate, and teach our special kids. We also need to teach them about God and help them discover their talents. The kids can also teach me patience, understanding, love, sympathy, caring, appreciation, hope, and joy. The kids can also teach me not to take life too seriously.

Stains on the floor will happen. Even immediately after I clean the floor. One of my kids will pee or spill food or juice on the floor.

My room will not stay mostly clean.

I will always find food hidden behind bookcases, cribs, beds, computers, tv stands, etc.

I may never get a full night's sleep.

I will spend multiple days per month in therapies and dr.'s offices, with no energy in the tank.

I will be changing diapers for a long, long, time.

I may have to give up control over things.

Getting angry at the kids and myself DOES NOT help.