Sunday, November 18, 2012

Throw away the toys

I am celibate, but I still struggle with sexual thoughts and the occasional pleasure session. I been taking a purity course (way of purity), which is for pornography addiction/sex addiction. I was a sex addict. I was a toy addict. I was a self pleasure addict. The course is taught from a Christian perspective I havent watched porn in a minute, but I want to finish the course. One of the lessons discusses removing things, which will hinder your progress. Delete the phone numbers, block certain websites, throw away anything which will set you back. I have sex toys. I havent used them in a long, long time, but I hate to toss them out. The toys cost me money, well not my actual money. Most of the toys were funded by my former job as a web cam girl. Some of these toys cost between 20 to 40 or more bucks. I am no longer a web cam girl. I no longer have sex. I still hate to throw away the toys.

My rationalization: if i toss the toys, i still have fingers. either way, if i want to do something, i can without having sex. But i need to toss the toys (after removing the batteries, just in case they are still good), in order to move forward in my faith and celibacy progress.

Why I should toss them:
1. part of my old life as a sex addict
2. move forward in Christian fath
3. Part of my old life as a web cam girl
4. I didn't actually have to use my 'real' money to pay for them.
5. represents addiction/addicktion

Why am I holding on to them:
1. good condition. works.
2. still got fingers.
3. cost a lot of money (even though I never saw the money).
4. dont feel like digging for them, out of hiding, to toss them out.
5. laziness.

So I went to the closet, pulled out the rubber maid, found the bag, found some things I forgot I had, and realized this was not the whole collection. Tossed away what I had and hopefully I remember where the rest is. Besides, I dont use them anyway (another rationalization). Yet, I still wanted to hold on to them. Time to let them go. Giving up the old life for a new life.

Adventures in Celibacy

Stacie D. Wyatt

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Please leave a comment. Thank you. Stacie