In 2020, the pandemic changed everything, including my oldest son's behavior. As soon as he realized, he wasn't going back to school, his behavior got worst. Brad stopped sleeping through the night. He started hitting me and his brother more. Brad started putting bigger holes in the walls, but I learned, with help from a poet named Rodney, how to fix the damage with sheetrock versus a wall patch.
Brad was breaking furniture, hitting walls, and hitting doors. He also learned how to escape the house, while I was distracted cooking, cleaning, or in the bathroom. Public meltdowns increased. I gave up walking through the neighborhood; catching the bus; and even going to the laundry room because his behavior was unpredictable. No more parent breaks.
Brad's behavior intensified after he threw a glass at me, while cleaning. He also bit me and drew blood, while we was waiting for my youngest's (Kalen) bus to arrive.
Another public meltdown gone wrong. I could not take it anymore and had to call the crisis line, multiple times, to calm me down. I called them in the past for my oldest, but they could not help him, like I wanted them to. Brad could never be admitted to a city psych center because of his severe autism and that he was not potty trained.
Eventually, during one of the calls, someone asked about his current psych. The answer put things into motion to place him in a group home, in another city, under his intellectual disability diagnosis, versus the Autism diagnosis. Brad has been placed for almost a year and is doing better.
I was given a massive depressive disorder, shortly after he was placed. I was on depression meds for a few months and sleep meds since. I am still tired and exhausted. I still need sleep.
Summer of Kalen
Enter the summer of Kalen. Sure, I can ride the bus again and walk the neighborhood again, but it comes with drama sometimes. Kalen will refuse to move, while we are walking. Just stop and plop down in the grass or sidewalk, bearing his weight down, making him hard to pick up, so I got a wagon to help move him in 2021.
The wagon does not stop him from screaming fall or I hurt, while moving, because he doesn't like ramps or when we have to go over a bump. He also does not like to nap. He has not taken a day nap since 2020. Kalen wakes up early and goes to bed late, even with prescription sleep meds and melatonin. It can be draining because Kalen is active and does not slow down until he goes to bed. He clings to me and wants to follow me around. I want to cook, clean, and do other things throughout the day, like find part-time, flexible work. I want to breathe.
Kalen is also hitting and kicking the walls and doors; throwing toys; throwing food; and hitting me when upset. Kalen is breaking things, such as a silicone cupcake pan, I use for bath bombs and shower jellies. Kalen also has days where he only wants to eat certain things, such as fries, chips, sour cream, or cream cheese, and won't touch anything I cook. I have issues getting him in and out of the tub, in addition to getting him to sleep in his bed through the night.
Deja Vu. It's happening again. I just want a release, a break. First day of school is weeks away. Still looking for additional work. Still need sleep. Still dealing with noise and destruction. Being a special needs parent is definitely not easy.
End scene
Stacie D. Wyatt
