Tempted, Tested, True Book Review

I read Tempted, Tested, True, in exchange for review from Bethany House. The book was written by Arnie Cole and Michael Ross. I have discussed the book on my other blog, Celibacy Diaries, but have not done my full review for Bethany House. This is the full review.

I chose this book because I struggle with temptation. I struggle with anxiety. I struggle with women' struggles. I struggled with sex addiction. When I saw the book review list for Bethany House, I had to have this book. I had to have a print edition. When it comes to celibacy, abstinence, sex addiction, etc, there is a lot of information out there. There are plenty of books written, but not too many is written from a Christian perspective. I wanted practical, spiritual knowledge, and this book does that. I am glad I got chosen for this book. I did not read this book from start to finish. I started the book at the beginning, then moved to the sections on sex addiction and shame. A lot of good passages stood out and I marked them big time. The book also takes about alcohol, anxiety, shame, temptation, men struggles, women struggles, releasing the past, and unmasking the real you. for this review, I am choosing to focus on the things, which affected me personally.

Chapter 8 discusses the story of Mark and how he struggled with sexual sin (pornography). Porn helped Mark cope with stress. But over time, his heart became darker and more hardened (p. 167). He was pretending everything was ok, when everything was not. He was addicted. His wife called in an intervention with their pastor because she suspected something was wrong. One line, which stood out was Porn is a counterfeit that can ruin our ability to experience the real thing (p. 171). Pornography can also be an idol and the Lord does not allow us to put idols before him. The chapter also discussed accountability. People need an accountability partner when they are struggling with addiction. The book also discussed ways to move forward past porn and sex addiction(. I wrote the steps on my other blog Celibacy Diaries). The book also does nudges after each chapter, with spaces to write down thoughts and concerns. For example, the nudge for chapter 8 focuses on shaking the shame. The section allowed you to think and write about soul-robbing traps; why breaking free is hard for you; and what you would like for Jesus to help you with.

Then, the book moves into toxic shame. First, the book discusses the difference between shame and guilt. "Guilt has to do with our behavior, what we do; shame, has to do with our identity, who we are" (p. 180). "Toxic shame causes us to expect the worst from ourselves because we believe that's who we are inside"(p. 180). We must let go of those thoughts, which say we are a loser, a failure, a disappointment, no use to God, etc (p. 181). This is something I definitely struggle with. There is also an amazing chart on the characteristics of shame, with space to list specific examples and emotions (p. 184). P. 185 also has a spiritual life rating scale. I am a level 3 believer. The scale starts at skeptic, seeker, believer, grace-filled, and servant-minded. You look at the characteristics of each row and determine where you fall in.  a worksheet follows immediately after to note your results. You will need access to a bible to complete some of the notes.

Chapter 9 focuses on Danielle's story. Danielle discussed how even when she knew the right thing to do, she did the wrong thing anyway. I knew having a lot of sex with random men was wrong, but i did it anyway. suffered the consequences too. A few passages, which stood out:

• Temptation is big and it's sneaky, and it knows my weak spots. It can tell when I'm wavering and slip in a zinger at just the perfect moment--sending me right back to square one. It doesn't have to be that way. More and more, I realize, there is a way out. (p. 197)
• No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it (p. 198).
• Your sin is not unbeatable. Your temptation isn't too big for God. You aren't even close to being the only one tempted in that way (p. 200). 

Finally, I will focus on the four stages of Temptation (Chapter 2) p. 54)

1. Enticement: starts with a pang of desire. a thought, a fantasy. what ifs. then eventually the decision to commit. go through the stages of intimacy: sight, sound, smell, taste, touch. 
2. Conception: desire becomes strong. wants to conceive the real thing, whether it's sex, or drugs, or alcohol, whatever it is. we continue to engage with our temptor and ignore God more. 
3. Gestation and growth: sin continues to grow. it affects us mentally, spiritually, and physically. we know the sin intimately. we are enjoying our secret lives. the temptation begins to define us: thoughts, identity, purpose.  we don't consider the long-term effects of the sin. we continue to live in darkness and the light can not penetrate us. 
4. Delivery: the sin matures. it gives birth to death inside of us. 

This is definitely a good book. Definitely will keep reading as temptation shows up in my life. The book felt like more than a regular non-fiction. More than another book to read once. It provided practical, biblical knowledge to temptation and the consequences of each temptation. 

Keeping secrets

Tested, True by Arnie Cole and Michael Ross) discusses how we do not need to keep secrets because they can hinder our relationship with God. We need to tell people our secrets and hold each other accountable, so we don't fall back into old habits. I have a few things, I have hidden from the masses. Some have never been discussed on social media or in person at all. I don't want people to think I am weird or strange or crazier than normal. Maybe, I don't want people to treat me with less respect, trust, or even ignore me, isolate me from them.

Cole and Ross discussed how we should choose to live without secrets (p. 176). everyone has problems. we don't have to try to conceal them. There are two types of people: those, whose problems are not hidden, in addition to those, who attempt to haul around secrets (This is me). I always have been a secretive person, only revealing to those as needed. I do have a distrust in general for people. I also dislike revealing too much of my self, because someone may use the information against me or tell more people, who do not need to know. Secrets can lead to broken trust, broken relationships, and broken credibility.

I do have a blog post, sitting unpublished (on my other blog) because it is partially a secret. I was going through something years ago. I have discussed it before, but not in detail. Some old feelings arose and I wrote it down in blogger to get it off my chest, since my note pad was not available. I have one other major issue, I have concerns about, since I was a child. Not sure whether or not to discuss it, unless it is with someone, who can handle it. Matters of Good versus Evil should not be taken lightly. Trying to read a book on the subject, but have not gotten to the meat of the book yet. Well, the part I chose the book for in the first place. When I got my advance copy of TTT, i went straight for the part I requested the book for. When I bought What are you waiting for by Dannah Gresh, I went straight for the part, I bought the book for. Maybe I should talk to someone trusted at church, even though Im not quite sure yet. anyway, rambled long enough.

Stacie