It's because of Brad, I am here.

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It's 6:02 am and I am supposed to be getting my youngest, ready for school, but I chose to keep Kalen, home the entire week, letting him be virtual. Why? Other than 2 appointments, it's because of his brother, Brad.

My niece's car broke down and she is unable to help. I wish she still stayed across the street, but she moved 20 minutes out, to her dad's house, because the complex wanted to raise the rent to over 1k per month. My sister is still in the vicinity, but I don't see her woke, this early. 

Brad has been eloping more--running out of the house and running out in public. Brad has always been a big runner. I stopped going to many places--parks, for example, because he will bolt. When we go somewhere new, I try to map it out on Google Maps, to see if there are any triggers--like McDonald's near by. 

Memorable Incidents. 

Need a new laptop

A few years ago, I wanted a new laptop because my old one (and now back up) was messing up. I couldn't even get on Blogger to type anything because it moved so slow. I had to type a blog post from my phone. Took over an hour to get it written up because of the freezes and restarts. I found one at Aarons but had to go pick it up. I mapped the area and didn't see any immediate triggers. I thought it would be ok to catch the bus; pick up the laptop; then head home. 

I was able to go to the store and pick up the new laptop, so I can work, but ran into issues, getting home. The bus stop was a few feet away. I figured we can ride the bus to the transit center, then come back home. The other way-- was to cross over the highway, which I did not want to attempt. 

Brad went postal. There was a McDonalds, across the highway, which I did not notice when I was looking for triggers. He wanted to bolt across North Freeway. I was able to keep him back, but I was struggling. A wonderful woman, saw me struggling, and offered me a ride home. I was so grateful. 

Visiting my former church

A few years ago, I moved from my mother's house to my own place. The new place put me out of range, to ride the church bus, to and from church. My old church was close to my mother's subdivision. During vacation bible school, during the summer, I would walk, my brats, plus other brats, who wanted to go, because I could cut through the back of the church, once I got out of the subdivision. 

I tried finding new churches, closer to me, but none resonated as a good home for my kids. I had one, I visited--where Brad had a screaming and rolling fest--and not a soul came to help me. I assumed special needs, would be open every Sunday, but it was closed, this particular Sunday. It was my 3rd visit to this church. I got him calm and just walked back home. It was a good 30 minute walk. 

I had another one--tell me-- they had a special needs program--but found out after service--that the staff just walked the kids around the church, while I was in service. It didn't help, that while I was in a visitor session, after the service--that the lady, who sat next to me, mentioned the church (probably her) didn't like me typing notes on my kindle/blue tooth keyboard (miss you .need to get another one). 

Anyways, I decided to attempt to visit my old church, for one Sunday. Get a good lesson in. See familiar folks. Enjoy my last year or so with them, since Brad was about to be 18. ( I have found an amazing church home, which has an amazing program for special needs kids and adults). 

I mapped out the route. One bus to the highway. Walk across the highway, then walk about another 30 minutes to an hour. BIG MISTAKE. Got off the bus and Brad wanted McDonalds. I didn't notice the Mcdonalds, either because, it was blocked by a few other restaurants, which wasn't triggers. I said fine--we can walk to Mcdonalds, get the kids some food, which hopefully, will keep him calm. It didn't. 

We started walking towards the golden arches, only to discover, before we approached, it was closed. It was Christmas and it was closed. He didn't want any of the other places, which was open. Brad was kicking and screaming. He ran across part of the highway. God was with him because the cars was stopped and I was able to pull him back. I had to leave Kalen, in his stroller, with our bags, near a ditch. 

Concerned citizens called the police. The police tried to help calm him down. Luckily, once again, someone, from our old church, passed by, recognized us, and offered us a ride to church and home from church. The next time, we went back, my mother took us, but he had a scream fest, at church, and we never went back. 

Incidents going to my current church

• Night to Shine 2020: I had to catch an Uber, to go from the bus depot, to church, because Brad refused to leave the bus depot. The walk is about 10-15 minutes. The bus depot has a sidewalk, which takes you directly across from the church, then just cross over the bridge and I can enter through the back of the church. 
• Went to Sunday service. There is a retirement home, across from the back of the church. Brad refused to cross over. I tried to call the director of special needs, but his number would not connect through. A concerned church member saw me struggling with Brad and was able to contact the director, for us. The member also drove us to the back of the church.

Currently, I catch a ride share to church and my mother brings us home. How did we get to this point? Well busses are out now.  Before, my mother would drop us off in the parking lot and we would walk across the street, to get into the front of the church. One Sunday, Brad decided to bolt across the parking lot; past the crossing guards; and directly into the church. 

I ran after him, with Kalen, on my back, and bags in hand. Kalen had no shoes on. I did meet, a lovely lady, who handed me a card to the church's food and clothes pantry, after she saw shoeless Kalen. 

The past week

Brad upped his elopement game. In the past few months, Brad has learned to open the front door and just run out. I bought a small, under the door, alarm from Amazon, but Brad learned to toss/trigger the alarm, and still run out. 

Brad started eloping more, out of the house, since the pandemic. He has been stuck in the house, with no where to go. Brad still hasn't been approved for day hab. It was so bad, last year, I had to be careful walking out to take out the trash or to stalk a delivery driver, because Brad would run out and it was hard to get him back in the house. 

In the past week, Brad upped his elopement game by not only walking out of the house, when it was time to put Kalen, on and off the bus, but also running out of the apartment gates. I am not a fast runner but Brad is. I offered him snacks, juices, and even McDonalds, if he stopped, but he did not. 

I also had Kalen, in his wagon. Kalen is in a wagon because he is a mini eloper and refuse to leaver. When niece is unable to come to work for whatever reason, in the afternoons, Kalen would sit down in the grass and refuse to move because he doesn't see her car. Kalen is also hard to pick up. Kalen also ran out of church twice. One time, his teacher caught him, and the other, the police crossing guards.

Riding on Mother's day

On Thursday, Kalen's 10th birthday and another obgyn appt for me (found a new female issue, the other week), I was out of breath, by the time, I caught him. The gates also closed behind him, and a helpful driver, pulled up to the gate, so it can open, so I can reach my lovely child versus trying to walk around to the walk out gate and risking him running off more. 

When it was time to walk from our spot to walk to put Kalen on the bus, Brad started screaming and kicking. He sat in the middle of the drive way and refused to move. The boy also bit my finger hard, to the  point, where it was bleeding. I had to use my mask to help stop the bleeding. I went ahead and put Kalen on the bus. I was done with the situation and if I kept trying to move Brad, Kalen would have definitely missed school. 

While, I was loading Kalen, on the bus, Brad ran again, back through the gates, but stopped to wait on me. 

On Friday, my mother helped me with the afternoon shift. Brad ran out of the house, while I was locking up the closet, and preparing to leave to go get Kalen. He also ran out of the gates, pass my mother, who was pulling in. She had to get out of her car to call for him. Took him, a few seconds, to recognize her car, and Brad got in her car. 

I asked Kalen's teacher to see if Kalen could be virtual on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. I can't go outside and risk another bite, push, kick, spit, or hit. I broke down today, after I called transportation, to call Kalen out today. THE CHILD IS SUPPOSED TO BE AT SCHOOL BUT CANT GO BECAUSE BRAD ELOPES. Doesn't make a lick of sense. Instead of learning new and exciting things, he is at home, playing with toys and watching youtube. He also colored his self blue. Love these markers but in the wrong hands, a kid can color his self blue; my bedding; his bedding; part of his play kitchen; my mattress pad; bathroom floor and tub; sink; all blue. 

Kalen also hit the walls (brother rubbing off on him) while I was talking to Brad's therapist, on the phone; hitting the doors (also brother's behavior), while I was on the phone; and trying to stand on top of his kitchen. I had enough of both kids and need a mini break. 

US Art Supply Crazy Dots Markers

I also fixed a hole in the wall that Brad started to make worse. It has exposed wires from both upstairs and my apt. If he misses too many days, he will be removed from the bus roster--at least, that was how it was in the past. Hopefully niece's car gets fixed before Thursday. I had enough. 

It is because of Brad I am here. 

I need this on a t-shirt. 

• It is because of Brad, Kalen missing 3 extra days of school, this week. 
• It is because of Brad, where we live. 
• It is because of Brad, we can't ride the public bus, right now. 
• It is because of Brad, I can't walk to the laundry room, right now. Thank you for my portable washer and dryer racks. (I do have a portable dryer, but the belt keeps falling off, right now. Before this, Brad initially broke it because he pulled dryer from the wall and broke the plug off)
• It is because of Brad, I keep canned goods and other kitchen-related items, hidden in the closet. 
• It is because of Brad, I have to hide feta cheese, ice cream, and other items in the fridge. Because of Kalen, I have to hide apples, bananas, tomatoes, and seedless tangerines. He also tried to eat through an avocado shell before.
• It is because of Brad, we can't go to a regular, unenclosed park or the zoo. 
• It is because of Brad, if we go to Success on the Spectrum's special needs prom again, we will ride-share, there and back. 
• It is because of Brad, we have minimal furniture, no microwave, and never had a smart tv. I just want a table and chairs; doors on the bathroom and bedroom; the ability to keep kitchen items in the kitchen so I don't have to pull stuff out to get to a can or can opener; no holes in walls; and not being hit, bit, spit, pushed, or kicked.