Today is a weird day

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Today feels super weird. The house is quieter than normal. The drama is reduced. The house is still a mess though, but I did clean Kalen's play area and set up, a new item for a future product video review.. Brad is gone for the next, few days, during a trial run of residential placement, to see if he can fit into a group home setting, in the future. 

Covid has taken a hit, on everyone. Brad has not responded well to being out of school, so much that I had to call crisis management for myself, multiple times. It felt weird calling, for myself, but I had enough with the daily, multiple, meltdowns. I am sick and tired of my son, hitting the walls, doors, and windows, aa soon as he wakes up, and frequently throughout the day. I am tired of being hit, pushed, kicked, and spit on, on a regular basis. Tired of the holes, in the walls, with exposed insulation and wires. Visiting Home Depot has become a regular thing because they sell sheet rock squares. I also learned how to replace blinds; made my own keys with the self key maker kiosk; and got Kalen a foam, puzzle mat, for his play area. 

 

@staciedwyatt

fixed these holes, last wk, & son keeps reopening them. exposed wires and insulation. ##autism ##adhd ##specialneeds ##ihateithere ##specialneedsparent

♬ OK Not To Be OK - Marshmello & Demi Lovato

Brad's medications have been adjusted but his behavior is not changing. 

I am tired of feeling trapped. I can't walk the neighborhood because he will try to walk in the street and/or elope. I can't ride the bus, right now, because I can't control his behavior, once we get off the bus. Depending on how far, we have to walk, can trigger a potential run. I can't even go to the laundry room because both kids may elope. Walking outside to take a breather; take out the trash; or see if I see a delivery driver, causes issues because it is hard to bring him back inside. 

Nov 2020 during an elopement attempt

March 2020 eloped and refused to move from the last visit to the laundry room. 

I have a blanket, which fits into the washer part of my portable washer, but not the spin side, which means it takes longer to air dry (dryer broke and I can't find someone, with a reasonable price to fix it. I haven't had but 2 days of good sleep, since March 2020.

I am so tired.

Just asking for a break is a hard task. Some people don't take me seriously when I say I need a break from two children with severe Autism and other diagnoses. My last break and good sleep, was in December, cost my mother over $500, because she paid for me, a hotel room, along with my niece, a hotel room, across from my room. Niece kept the kids but it didn't feel like a true break. It didn't feel like a break towards the end because nothing would change when we arrived back home. 

Anyway, a few years ago, in 2014, I had to take Brad to crisis management, at a hospital. I got pushed in front of security. The staff monitored and restrained him until he calmed down, but nothing changed when we got home. One of the nurses, while we was there, pulled me to the side and told me because my son has severe Autism, combined with behavior issues, and  and that  he is not potty trained, a local psych facility will never take him. If he did need residential placement, in the future, he would be sent to Dallas/Fort Worth, Austin, San Antonio, and other outskirts of Texas. 

After I called crisis management for myself, I started receiving weekly behavior meetings,  to provide me tips on how to manage his behavior better. The meetings started after they asked, who his psych was, and the answer was the agency, who I called to vent and scream. The agency has clinics around Houston. He has been a patient for a few months, with them. 

One of the coordinators mentioned Brad could get residential placement, if I applied under his intellectual disability diagnosis versus Autism. The city has a few, small group homes, where he could be placed, if I need it. Texas also has 9 state hospitals, which would take kids, with severe, behavioral issues, but it takes 1-3 years to process the application, plus a court approval. The facilities have 3 levels of security and Brad will need the one, with more restrictions because of his behavior. 

I hadn't finished the application process before I got a call, yesterday, asking if Brad wanted to do a 3-day trial at one of the group homes, in the city over. We still have to complete the application and evaluation process. 

Definitely was unsure about it, but willing to try it. He doesn't like going anywhere without me, even when his former teacher wanted to take him to get something to eat. My youngest son and I had to go out to eat with them because he would not get in Ms. Kim's car without me. I paid for everybody's food as a thank you. 

The home is also near a small park and Brad is an elopement risk. The backyard is fenced though, if he wants to go outside and relax (definitely stalked the house via Google maps and Earth). Definitely don't want Brad, hitting their walls, doors, and windows nor the staff and other clients. I found out today, after they arrived, that the house doesn't have interior locks or alarms. Brad tried to escape, out of the house, 4x, this morning, even with my alarm in place. I bought a small alarm, a few days ago. He has triggered the alarm, multiple times, in two days. 

I hope he does well and when he does need the service, I will feel confident, he will be ok. I do have Kalen, home, for a few days as well. School was out Monday for a teacher workday. On Sunday though, He had 3 seizures and developed a small cough and runny nose. The cough was still going, yesterday and today, and didn't want to send him to school sick. He has amped up, some of his behavior issues today, since Brad left, including hitting walls and a window. 

Maintenance also has been in and out, of the apartment, working on a leak, in the bathroom and bedroom, plus the back apartment, but it still feels weird not to hear Brad scream all day; not to hear him hitting the walls, doors, and windows; not to have him throw things around all day. He did try to elope, earlier when he was here, like I said. He did hit walls and windows before he left. He threw the alarm into a corner, during one of his potential elopements. It's just weird. I did order him some Mcdonalds, before he left. He can come home, before the 3 days, depending on behavior, but I hope I can sleep past 4 am, tomorrow, and get a few more hours of good sleep, until it is time to wake up and ship youngest off to school, provided he is still not coughing tomorrow.