Sunday, March 24, 2013

Out of sight, Out of mind

My niece said something profound, even though it was unintentional. She said she wanted to watch a video again, to get it out of her head. She wanted to watch something over to stop thinking about it, instead of watching something different. It will stay in her head more.

How many times in life, we thought we could solve a problem by doing the same actions, we took, to have the problem in the first place?

When I had my miscarriage in 2009, My sex drive went from super high to hardly any. Probably stemmed from a combination of factors. I thought I could increase my sex drive (back to normal) by having more sex, but with fewer guys. I am going to solve a problem by creating more problems. I am going to get my sex drive back by having more sex. a band-aid, instead of focusing on why my drive decreased. It did not work. I still had a low sex drive. On some days now, I don't have any, completely at zero. Having more sex, even with fewer guys, did not solve the problem. I felt worse. It felt like I did when I started having sex--sex is yucky. sex is disgusting. Even though the men, were mostly repeats, familiar faces, familiar penises--my feelings for sex had changed. Couldn't get into sex mentally or physically anymore. Still did not stop me from having sex until the next year, when I moved to Texas.

She wanted to get the video out of her head by watching the video again. I wanted to have my normal sex drive back by having sex over and over again. Nothing was solved. My niece, on the other hand, is downstairs right now, watching that Harlem shake video, over and over again

Out of sight, out of mind

Stacie D. Wyatt

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Please leave a comment. Thank you. Stacie